You may already be confused by the title.

Don't be alarmed, I haven't gone insane.

Yes, I was a Finance and Business Economics undergrad. Yes, business is all around me, and it has been a big part of my life. But I'm not talking about that type of business. I want to talk about 'busyness' and all that comes with it. (This could also have been titled 'The Pursuit of Busyness' but I felt unworthy of such a Will Smith classic)

I valuate and evaluate businesses at my internship with TCAP. It's the majority of what I do there. On most days, I will work between 10 - 11 hours, and in this industry that would be considered a very light workload. Most people in the office work more than me - especially when it's a busy season, and work needs to be done. I'm never the first person in, nor the last one out. I have investment banker friends who tell stories of being on-call 24/7 and sleeping at 3am only to go back to the office at 6am. Nevertheless, I find myself working more than the program's required 8 hours a day, and with it, less hours in the day to accomplish other parts of the program (yes, I'm talking about readings).

For a brief few days, I took pride in working longer hours, in contributing to my internship, in being busy and engaged and on-the-go all the time. I'm a big deal if I'm always busy, right? I no longer think that way. One of my mentors from back home in Sydney reminded me that it is much better to seek out balance over busyness in life. He told me to be careful not to become a 'watch the clock tick over' worker, but rather be someone who leaves when the work is done, and not just stay for the sake of staying - it is not a competition. As a Raleigh Fellow, I am here to not just work, but also learn and serve. I cannot truly be a Fellow if one of my roles overtakes the others and hijacks my time this year.

So, I am learning to be more balanced in my week - to allocate time where time is due. Business should not be my main concern. My main concern should be my personal development, in all facets of life. I have recently begun the (very slow) process of spending more time alone, and for a raging extrovert like me, trust me it is tough. 'Soul Keeping' by John Ortberg taught me that in order to take care of my soul, I must be able to sit and be still with myself, and be self-reflective. I have to be able to look inward and find peace with God, from the deepest depths of my soul.

If I cannot take care of my inner life, no accomplishment or joy from my outer life shall be able to redeem the lost state of my soul. I long for a closer relationship with God, I long for a healthier inner life, I long to be able to not rely on the energy of other people and just be able to be alone in the silence. I seek not for busyness, but for balance. I'm all about this Raleigh Fellows business, I'm all about this balanced life.

I continue to pray for the ability to be alone, and to escape the allure of busyness.