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#firstblogkindanervous

Can you feel the power beneath my fingertips muahahahah…

Hi. I’m Tyra Jones. I went to NC State (go pack baby) and feel like I got the best of both worlds getting to stay in Raleigh and do Fellows. I’m so grateful for the preexisting community I have in Raleigh, and for these new friends I get to do life with this year!!

After RUNNING to write my first blog a little behind schedule, I sit here and cant help but smile while reading my fellow fellows’ stories and insights from the past few weeks. In our own particular ways, many of us have shared how different this group is from each other. I can’t lie, it was the thing I was most afraid of coming in, yet the thing I have found the most joy in as a Raleigh Fellow (so far)😇

It doesn’t make sense, it feels somewhat counterintuitive and yet, we have been vibing since #day1. Truly only one God can bring a group of 10 freaks (it’s a group joke, don’t worry) together and have us gel so seamlessly. I’m very grateful I get to be challenged in this way, learning how God uses each of our gifts to make a Kingdom impact. I love my freaky fellows. Heart eyes.

I will now provide a first impression/standout quality of each fellow. Evil laugh.

Sofia- #passionate #barista

Caroline- #creative #catmom

Blain- #gentle #pumpkinspicedlatteluvr

Sam- #competitive #doctornefario

Regan- #observant #flexible

Lilly- #loyal #cockroachwhisperer

Weston- #goofy #freak

Clay- #passionate #musicallygifted

Katherine- #patient #diehardwolfpackfan

And now I will rank each fellow based on…jk. That would be crazy….unless😏

I have already told multiple people that this is the best thing I’ve ever done. And we are barely a month in. I’m JUMPING with eagerness to see what the Lord does in each of our lives this year. And how many people I can throw off of a jetski.

Oh and Ashley Crutchfield is the best. And scene🎬

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Yay for September blogs

Hey y’all! I am so excited we get the opportunity to blog our time as Fellows this year and I can’t believe it’s already been almost a month of this new normal. When I stumbled upon the Fellows blog several months ago, I was a college student curious about what the Raleigh program looked like, and honestly, what even was a Fellow. I was surprised how insightful and transparent the posts were. I could read a post written by a stranger and somehow feel seen by what thy had experienced the Lord doing in their lives. I also found joy in reading what life could look like as a Fellow. So, it feels almost full circle to be adding my name to the list of contributing authors, and more gratifying to get to share a little of what the Lord is already teaching me.

Three weeks ago, a group of strangers started a journey together, entering the controlled chaos that comes with kicking off a Fellows year. Awkward handshakes in the Fellows lounge on a Tuesday morning and continually asking people to resend their names in the group chat somehow gave way to fighting over the aux in the Doxology kitchen while making dinner, countless rounds of charades filled with subpar acting, waiting in the coffee queue each morning, swapping stories of college and home, cheating allegations during game nights, and spending hours in the water laughing, whipping around the jet skis or jumping off the dock. Additionally, we settled into ourselves, began creating community and seeking new rhythms amongst the group. Who knew a week at Lake Gaston could become so special and sacred to a girl who didn’t even know it existed a month ago? In the middle of all these introductions, both to the program and to one another, one thing in particular stood out to me, the Crutchfield family motto: Love God. Make Friends. Change the World. My initial thought was that it sounded almost too simple. Three phrases that seem easy enough to understand, but the more I sat with them, the more I realized what they demanded of us beneath the surface.

Love God
This sounds like the most obvious of the three. But what does it actually mean to love God? I have found myself wondering how often I approach God because I want something from Him rather than simply because I want to be with Him. C.S. Lewis describes the difference between approaching God as a means to an end and approaching Him as the end itself. That distinction challenged me because it is so easy to turn faith into a means of getting somewhere: receiving peace, becoming successful, or figuring what comes next. But what if the goal is simply to know God more? Maybe loving God begins with learning to slow down enough to listen. Silence and solitude are not things I naturally reach for or practice often. They require me to put down my to-do list, stop trying to be productive, and simply be with the Lord. Like a muscle, it is a discipline that has to be worked in order to grow. I anticipate that this will be an area the Lord invites me to grow in throughout the year.

Make Friends
Of course we want to make friends. We were made to be in relationship with one another. Matthew 22:36-40 tells us to love God and love our neighbor, but friendship asks us to go a step further into the messiness of actually knowing people. That idea feels especially relevant for a group of young adults entering a year where so much of life can revolve around work, productivity, and trying to make the most of every opportunity. Relationships require us to slow down. They ask us to make room, listen well, and show up.

This is where a particular word has begun to shape how I am thinking about this year: expectant. I am expectant that the Lord will form something deeper among our Fellows class than simply a group of people who happen to spend a year together. He put us in this class and in each other’s lives for a purpose. I am expectant to watch friendships evolve, to build the kind of community where we can be honest about what is hard, celebrate what is good, and remind each other that we were never meant to carry everything by ourselves.

Change the World
How on earth are a bunch of twenty-somethings supposed to change the world?

After initially feeling like this is unattainable, I find myself coming back to the order of the phrases. We don’t begin by trying to change the world. We start by loving God and making friends. From those two things we are sent into the world. Maybe changing the world looks less like accomplishing something extraordinary and more like allowing Jesus to work through the ordinary parts of our lives. An unexpected friendship, a willingness to listen, an act of generosity, or simply noticing the person God has placed directly in front of us.

I certainly don’t feel like I’ve mastered any of these things. I am still learning what it means to love God for who He is, to choose relationships over efficiency, and to surrender to Him daily. Maybe that is what makes this motto such a fitting invitation for this year. It isn’t a checklist to complete, it’s a way of living to grow into. And for that, I am grateful.

Thanks be to God for Google Maps, walks with friends, Spotify Jam sessions, pontoon boats, conversations over coffee, and a new Fellows class!
-Katherine Lennon

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Am I a Blogger Now?

Hello world!

I've decided to use this space to introduce myself and share a little of what Fellows has looked like for me so far. My name is Sofia Stroven and I am so happy to be here in Raleigh for Fellows! I grew up in Pinehurst NC, and attended UNC-Wilmington. I’ll always tell everyone that living at the beach was the most magical time of my life. Some things I enjoy are being outside, hiking, thrifting, baking (and eating) sourdough, cooking, traveling, and crafting. It's important to know that I have worked in coffee since I was 15 years old and still love my job as a barista to this day. My dream is to one day own a coffee shop somewhere on the coast of NC. My job placement as a fellow is at Fount Coffee + Kitchen in Morrisville. So far my position at Fount has only served to help deepen my love and understanding for hospitality. I remember so clearly my first day feeling so encouraged by the way one owner named George explained his heart behind this business. Our mission statement at Fount is to always serve in a way that is excellent, intentional and joyful — knowing our efforts bear lasting impact. Working at Fount has been very different from past work environments. It seems cliche but I really feel like I am learning something new everyday. This can vary from efficiencies to ways to better make a guest feel seen. All that to say, work has been fun and I am grateful for the consistency it brings into my weekly schedule. The past few weeks have definitely been an adjustment and I am eager to continue to settle more into this space. Getting to know and do life with the other Fellows has been such a joy so far and I can hardly believe it's only been three weeks. They make me laugh hard and the ways they walk in their faith draws me nearer to the Lord. So far we’ve had our welcome retreat at the lake together, shared testimonies over the past few weeks, had weekly dinners, served in youth groups, and much more in between. One thing that really drew me to the Raleigh Fellows program was knowing it would serve as a foundation for all future endeavors. I am eager to begin classes to start building that foundation. 

Peace and Love,

Sofia Stroven


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This is so much fun....

What up yall, this is Weston, I am obviously a Fellow and this is so much fun….

A part of me wants to make my blog posts super informal as if we were talking face to face but I also think that would be an injustice to some of the deep and important things I will experience and work through this year. So, I will try and make it a good mix. Hope y’all stick around and read what me and the crew get into over these next 9 months.

All that to say, what a blessing the first month has been. Coming into this program I was experiencing some cold feet during the final months of summer. I was unsure about certain things from my job placement, to the host family situation and even to the money I would have to spend and raise, the list continued. But, thankfully I got over the that hump of doubt very quickly once we started which, in hindsight, was me projecting my inability to face the fact I was having to leave Wilmington and the places and friends that made life so fun for the past for 4 years. Leaving a place that was routine, and comfortable, and home is really hard, and quite frankly manifested into my biggest doubts and reservations coming into week 1. The post grad transition is hard but now that I am a month in, the Lord’s plan and His ways are so much better than anything I could ever imagine. How often I think I have stuff figured out and think I know what’s best for me until the Lord just gently corrects and realigns me. Oh the joy of learning to trust and submit to Him. He is so intentional and this first month of friends, family, experiences and people I have met have been all the evidence of His hand over my life, the life of the church and the lives of those I pass and interact with. This year will be filled with abundance of friends, laughs, trips, memories, and the constant pursuit of knowing Jesus better.

As I close this first blog post, I’m gonna bullet list random memories, thoughts, realizations, stories from the last month. I’ll throw in some pictures at the end too.

  • Told myself I was going to meal prep, I have prepped two meals the past month, I’m struggling

  • I have not beaten my host dad, Jim Whited, in pool once and we have probably played over 10 games (I am claiming it is out of respect, in reality I am trash)

  • Janet Whited, my host mom, is one of the best cooks ever. Thanks be to God for homecooked meals throughout the week

  • I no longer get 8 hours of sleep :(

  • I have developed a slight M&M addiction

  • The girls and Ashley have made Taylor Swift a very polarizing topic now…..my opinions on her still do not change

  • It is a blessing to be around some of hometown buddies who I haven’t seen much over the past 4 years

  • Wore jeans for the first time since last winter and it felt nice, I’m tired of sweating everyday in the heat

  • Why is there no body of water in Raleigh either…..?

Till next month.

Weston

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Blain's Blogging

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Blain's Blogging

Hey everyone! This is my first blog entry as a fellow, with more to come over the next 8 months! It’s crazy to think that one month has already flown by with my fellow fellows.

So much has happened this past month that I would love to share, but I feel as though my fellow fellows have done a great job of hitting on those things already. For now, I would like to share how valuable our individuality is—not only as a fellows class, but as individuals ourselves.

Coming into this group of nine other strangers, I couldn’t help but think that two or three of us would get along better than others. To my surprise, on the first day, as I was shaking hands (yes, I shook everyone’s hands professionally), it was apparent to me how different each of us was. As the month has gone on, this fact has only become more evident each day we are together, and I cannot express how grateful I am for that.

What inspires me most is how the Lord has guided each of us so differently throughout our lives to the exact same place at the exact same time. His hand has been over us our entire lives, whether we knew it or not, and the fact that He decided for the 10 of us to land in Raleigh, NC, in the year 2026 is pretty darn cool.

This past month, I’ve found myself thinking about the wonder of the individuals we all are. This fellows class has brought that out in me because I am surrounded by others who are very confident in who they are in the Lord, which has been such a refreshing environment to be a part of. I am so excited for the coming months and the fruit that will be harvested from them as we abide in Christ together!

Being surrounded by individuals who seek the Lord with their whole hearts, love intentionally, listen even more intentionally, and have fun with one another has been a blessing that I hold near and dear to my heart. It leaves me hungry for more!

— Blain

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Seeking the 1 - September Blog

Blog - September 

Hey Y’all!

My name is Clay Bradford, a Raleigh fellow in this upcoming class of 2027. I am a Raleigh native, I am a big fan of hiking, the outdoors, cooking, baking, and music (both making and listening). Also, I am the newest Next-Gen intern at Apostles church through the Raleigh Fellows. In this month since I have started I have felt such a draw towards the church and in ministry. I have a deep desire to know those around me, even as I am fully known by God. Psalm 139 says that the experience of relational closeness is divine, that ‘…such knowledge is too wonderful to me.’ Since day one, I have known that I want to become close to, love, and serve my fellow… fellows! Truly, thats my aim with all of the new people I meet, and the friendships that are becoming.
My first day at Apostles was extraordinary. I’ve never known the secret behind an incredible church, but I’ve always been interested - what is that “secret sauce” that sets a church apart? I feel like it’s not something tangible, sometimes it’s hard to describe the sparkle, or glimmer that makes a church attractive. I found that I’ve always thought about the metrics of a church by sorting them into three categories: the authenticity of worship and leading people closer to a heart for God, a message that not only comforts but challenges those who have ears to hear, and a close community of people. It’s hard to balance these three, and especially the last one, to have a tight-knit community but not so close that it may be impenetrable for a newcomer. I don’t think that my goal was to judge Apostles, ‘lest I be judged’ haha. Additionally, I don’t think that these things are wrong to look for, especially when visiting a new church! However, what has made all the difference (not only attending Apostles, but being the new person on staff) has been the Christ-centered work ethic of those around me. I am completely taken with the way this church staff loves their kingdom work. I would say all is done in accordance with a through-line that is in every service, ministry, opportunity, outreach program, down to the smallest interaction. That through-line is intentionality. What an incredible gift. From the moment we sat down at the first staff meeting, staff shared beautiful stories from the past week of how God met them through a friend, or the interaction with a stranger. It’s crazy that these are week to week interactions that the staff might have, because almost every single one of them was incredibly powerful. They call these, “God sightings,” as only God could have orchestrated such events and put certain people in other’s lives. However, I would say that all of these are due to the intentionality instilled in every staff members heart. I’m not discrediting the work that the Lord does, but rather recognizing the way that he is uniquely working through every single person. I found myself asking, “who even notices a brand new person at church? Can anyone even distinguish 99 sheep from 100?” and yet these staff members can. They show up prepared with a list of every new person that was talked to, or spotted, or who filled out a connect card. That is a sign of intentionality given by God. That is what separates Apostles from any other church i’ve been a part of, let alone any church thats allowed me to peek behind the curtain. True Christlike character calls us to notice, pursue, and celebrate the sheep in our lives. So I ask myself, how can I be pursuing others with a Christ-charged intention in my life? Not for me, but for God. I’d ask you to wonder the same.

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"God's Plan" by Drake - September Blog Post

Hey guys! I’m so pumped I get to do this! To whoever is reading this, I hope this finds you well. I figured I would share some things about me: I hail from New Jersey (but I don’t claim it), I am a middle child, my favorite color is light yellow, I don’t enjoy onions, I went to UNC (go heels), and I really really like ducks. Oh, and I am newly a Raleigh Fellow!

The past 3 weeks as a fellow have been abundant, energizing, soul-filling, and purposeful while also feeling new, foreign, and even overwhelming at times. We have jumped right into friendships and testimonies and classes and work — all things that make this program uniquely comprehensive. Our first week at Lake Gaston revealed our totally different, yet incredibly cohesive personalities. We are so different and yet somehow it works better than I could have imagined! Life with these people is exciting and refreshing! I feel extremely blessed to play a part in this year’s Raleigh Fellows class; the Lord’s gracious leading has brought me here, and I am expectant of what He will do.

Each month, I plan to select a song of the month that, in some way, represents or reveals something about that month. For September… “God’s Plan” by Drake. I picked this song for a few reasons, some obvious and some not so much. Surprisingly, or maybe not, I didn’t pick this song for its lyrical genius or catchy beat — I could go without the song for sure. Something I can’t seem to shake, however, is the memory attached to it.

It was late Sunday evening and a few fellows and some other youth group leaders decided to go to the top of the parking garage near church to hang out for a while after youth group. After some time, we decided to call it a night, so we all got in our cars and drove off… pretty typical. About 30 seconds after everyone left the church, we got a text from Tyra (a fellow fellow) saying “I need car help”. Within seconds, four cars came flying back into the church parking lot to make sure Tyra (and her car) were okay. Were five people needed to sort out her car issue? Probably not… but that’s just the kind of people these friends of mine are. They were willing to get home an hour and a half later on a Sunday night if it meant their friend and her car were okay. We (and when I say “we” I totally mean the boys), eventually figured out what was causing the car to malfunction, praise God. But one thing that made this fairly serious situation just a little bit lighter, was the fact that “God’s Plan” by Drake was playing at a low hum the entire time. 3 guys and 2 girls running around a church parking lot trying to fix a messed-up car to the sound of Drake’s voice. Was Tyra’s car breaking down God’s plan? Hard to say. But these people, in this place, all at this time? That I know for a fact is God’s plan.

See ya next month!

- Lilly

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Truth Be Told

Hello friends, I am excited for this opportunity to reflect and share parts of my experience throughout the next nine months!

 There is a lot I could write about and I’m sure it would tally up to more words than any of you are willing to read. For now, I’ll write a little on The Unification of the Body and Soul. 

On Monday, Sept. 28, our Fellows class practiced lectio divina, silence and solitude and reflection with Mary Vandel Young. Today, Sept. 29, my workplace, The Study Center at State, had an event called Rooted where they also practiced lectio divina, silence and solitude, and reflection. Both sessions leaned on JourneyMates for the structure and supplemental material so they were very similar and it was neat to compare and contrast.

Something I have spent a lot of time reflecting on in the past week is the unity of the body and soul. As I was reading On The Apostolic Preaching by St. Irenaeus of Lyons, a quote of his stuck with me. It reads “Since humans are made up of both soul and body, we need to live through both…It remains beautiful and whole when truth stays constant in the soul and purity in the body.” During my times of silence and solitude, which were powerful, I realized my body and soul can often be found separate, yet they long to be unified. “We ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.” (Rom 8:23) (The MSG reads really cool too!) A restored, redeemed, and unified being through purity is what I yearn for. 

Our entire beings are also called to be holy. “But as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, ‘You shall be holy, for I am holy.’” (1 Pet 1:15-16)  Holy in all my conduct? All as in body and soul? Yes, of course. Why? Because it all matters! Whether it be, Fellows classes, Neighbor to Neighbor, petting Boots, switching laundry, a bike ride, or a conversation over coffee at work, it all matters. I am so thankful to serve a God who values it all!

Hallelujah for Truth!

Samuel Sizick

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My First Fellows Blog!!

Hi there! I am so excited to use this space to document these next 9 months and share what the Lord is up to. I’ve officially been a Raleigh Fellow for 3 weeks today, but they’ve been the fullest three weeks of my life. No moment is wasted here and that’s a great thing, though tiring as well. I’ve been blessed with great assurance and confidence in my soul that this is where I’m meant to be. The people here, the fellowship, the church, the thirst for God, it all just feels like a beautiful puzzle I can fit right into.

On Monday we had our first class, Spiritual Formation with Mary Vandel Young. Something I love about the Raleigh Fellows Program is the emphasis on not only an intellectual understanding of the things of God, but soul transformation that only comes from actually being with Him. This particular class will be a monthly opportunity for us to learn about spiritual disciplines, contemplative prayer, and different mediums that lead us to the same place - a greater awareness of God’s presence that constantly surrounds us.

In Mary’s class meetings, we will have an extended period of time to practice silence and solitude, intentionally freeing up space in our often hurried and busy lives for the Lord to speak to us. I’ve engaged in this practice before and greatly benefitted from the change in daily rhythm - pausing to recognize how God is moving and breathing around and in us in ways we may not have noticed. Something Mary emphasized was not attaching any positive or negative value to what you notice; in other words, avoiding judgment. As an enneagram type 1 (perfectionist), I found this very difficult to do once I actually was being aware of the judgment I place on myself! I tend to go into times with the Lord with expectation - “Ok, I need to come out of this with some revelation about God, someone He’s telling me to share the gospel with, or some other grandiose takeaway, or else I’ve done something wrong and missed Him. I’ve failed.” Freeing myself up from these expectations felt super unnatural and uncomfortable for my sometimes legalistic brain. What do you mean I can just look at the trees and not think about how Jesus is the root of David fulfilling Isaiah’s prophecy, or some other theological concept, but just appreciate that they are trees and they are pretty? That feels wrong and like I’m not taking advantage of being in the Lord’s presence. I’ve been told I take things too seriously. I think (and feel) deeply - and sometimes can’t turn that off. But aren’t we supposed to have faith like a child? Faith that doesn’t know any biblical references to trees but just stands in wonder at the pretty tree? Faith that doesn’t try to make itself righteous by having great wisdom, understanding, and works, but recognizes its insignificance in the shadow of the mighty Creator of the universe.

In our silence and solitude practice on Monday, I reflected on how my faith often feels like a striving. A reaching for something I’m not quite able to get. What I’m striving for, I don’t quite know; perfect unity with the Father? A life without sin? Assurance of my belovedness, or assurance that I’ve done enough to “earn it”? Perhaps I’m reaching for a version of myself that I believe is good enough to earn it. Regardless, the abundant life Jesus invites us into surely is not one of striving or reaching. It is one of rest and peace and joy in His finished work. This is the phrase that stuck out to me in the lectio divina we did in class - “You will find rest for your soul” (Matthew 11:29). This promise sometimes feels unfulfilled to me. My soul feels anxious and burdened and still in need of saving. This leads me to further judgment upon myself; “Why are you unfulfilled? You’re not obeying Jesus by taking His burden which is light! Do better at giving your anxieties to Him! You’re a horrible Christian.” You get the pattern. So as I enter into this year as a Fellow, maybe I can focus on recognizing judgement and letting go of it. I’ll even try to not to negatively judge myself for judging myself. I did get a lot of insights from the Lord during that hour of silence, but I also just looked at that pretty tree. And I got distracted a lot. And that’s ok. He’s a good Father with a fountain of grace that will never run dry. I don’t want my faith to be a performance, feigning perfection. I want to “boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so the power of Christ may rest on me” - 2 Corinthians 12:9 (my favorite verse). I think the more I practice letting my faith be imperfect, the more authentic and transformative it will be. That’s what I want out of this year. And I know I will falter often, and that’s why I’m so grateful for my Savior who seeks me and brings me back to His way every single time.

Didn’t mean for that to be so long, but here are some of my favorite things from September!

  • Jigsaw puzzles

  • Extra toasty cheez-its

  • DWTS (text CONNOR to 21523 🙏🏻)

  • Time with the fellows

  • My best friend Liv getting MARRIED!

  • My host family’s new kitten, Peggy

  • The kids at my job

  • Trying burgers around Raleigh

  • Audiobooks on my commute

Goals/prayer requests

  • Don’t judge myself/times with God

  • Practice active listening

  • Get in a workout routine

  • Cook more

What a month it’s been! I can’t wait to see what’s in store!

Caroline Davis

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Re: New Beginnings

Sep 29, 2026 | RDU en route to Boston

Hey!! I’m grateful that you can join in this 8-step sonnet of this upcoming season! If you’re reading this, you’re probably a friend, family or a cherished one — mayhaps some curious wanderer. Regardless, I love you and pray that you will find equal delight in these sojourns as I do.

Let’s see.. quick facts! Debbie and Frank (Lord bless them, chillest and funniest couple I know!) taught me Shanghai Rummy, and I’ve been hearing American mahjong is all the rage amongst aunties here. Witnessed my good friends (Evelyn and Nate) blessed wedding with Fyvie (super cool girlfriend). It was supremely tasteful and beautiful, as would be from two brilliant God-gifted creatives. Ashley’s lake house was supreme. I learnt to 180 a jetski courtesy of Blain, and Lake Gaston swallowed up my favourite pair of glasses :(. I’ve become the selfie guy, people always catch me doing funny things - which seems to be fairly normal; I had a whole saga with my blue Hyundai Elantra, Ciel! Ask me about that.

Among the fellows, I’ve felt a strange freedom to really be myself; in this carte blanche of a new face in a novel location, I’ve chosen to be me. And in all my zaniness, proclivities for mellifluous vocabulary, and a large indifference towards how others perceive me, I am seen, accepted and loved. So do I strive to see, accept, and love. Testimony sharing is an incredible privilege to dive deep into each other, as we are, and it’s honestly such a cheat code for authentic knowing and loving. We’re a fun, freaky (in the best way), and fabulous fellows group. And these new beginnings are the sun shining every new morn.

I desire to Let Myself Dream (I Built the Sky) and Let Me Hold You (Couch), as I go through a larger discernment process of my life direction as a Malaysian that loves home and the people back there. Also as someone who’s loving the people in this beautiful, gorgeous country that should really be a continent… still, I hold whatever little I have with open hands, assured that my good shepherd knows what’s good, and what’s better for me. Hallelujah. Thanks for reading!

Love & Hope, Regan.

P.S. I never knew how incredibly seen and loved I could feel when someone learns a song that I shared. It was glorious when we sang along! <3

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Where There's a Will #8

If you are here hoping to find one of the new Fellows first blogs and thinking that one of them is super on top of things and posted really early, I am sorry to disappoint. I’m just an old washed up Class of 2026 Fellow who felt like he needed to fulfill the obligation of writing an 8th blog. I had a love-hate relationship with these blogs throughout the year but I felt like this one needed to be written. This gives me a place to really tie the bow on my experience.

This summer has been a weird in between period. In between being a Fellow and not. In between being employed and not. In between being an adult and not wanting to be. In between living with my buddies and living at home. But now it is all real. I always figured that Fellows would feel over when the new class showed up and I was correct in that assumption.

I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel with a new class and my new role as Raleigh Fellow Alum. This new title has brought on a lot of different emotions but I think that the one that comes through the most is jealousy. I am jealous that they get to go through this unique experience for the first time. I am jealous that they get to be Ashley’s minions. I am jealous that they get to go on those same retreats we did. I am jealous of the structured chaos that they get to endure week in and week out. If their was no jealousy then I think I would have been doing something wrong!

But right underneath jealousy in my list of emotions is excitement. I am excited that they get to go through this unique experience for the first time. I am excited that they get to be Ashley’s minions. I am excited that they get to go on those same retreats we did. I am excited for their structured chaos. As time goes on the top emotion will quickly fade and the excitement and happiness will take that top spot and never leave as more and more Fellows take on this program.

Having a new weird outside perspective on Fellows does nothing but make me appreciate it more. There is no other way that I could have imagined living the last year of my life. I pray that everyone in this new group will leave the program feeling the same way I do. This community and church will wrap their arms around the new Fellows and help equip them with things they never would have thought of and I can’t wait to be on the other side of it. TYJ for Fellows.

These photos should sum up what I’ve been doing. Happy marriage to the Simases!

-Will Brown

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Well well well. Last fellows blog! Feels good. Feels right.

A friend sent me a book the other day called Seasons of Your Heart written by Macrina Wiederkehr. I was flipping through this book a bit last night and came across this reflection that was named Fear Makes Us Strangers. I read it before bed and bookmarked it to come back to today. I’ve been desiring a way to get my mind into the space of intentionally thinking back to how I felt arriving in Raleigh a year ago vs. how I feel arriving back in Raleigh this week, and to a degree this reflection allowed me to get into that space.

 

A piece of the reflection read:

The truth is that we’ve been blessed beyond telling by a Stranger who walked into our lives and showed us his heart, wept our tears, lived our life, and died our death.

It sounds simple and poetic except that we’ve been asked to do the same; for this is the Stranger who, according to Paul, left within our hearts the same power he carried in his own (Romans 8: 10-11).

…As I reflect on my own moments of abandoning people I love, I become aware of the truth that it is usually fear that drives me away.

It is fear that makes us strangers. It is fear that keeps us from entering each other’s lives and celebrating who we are with one another. The only weapon strong enough to destroy fear is love. Love is often shared around a table. Perhaps this is why the Hebrew people felt so strongly about eating together.

 

Without ever putting words to it last year, I came to Raleigh with the desire to be in deep relationship with people and the counteracting fear that my authentic self was about to be revealed to strangers. Are they going to like me? Do I let my real personality into these relationships? Don’t get too vulnerable, Hailey. They’re just in your life for a year.

                  

We sit down as strangers

                            strangers in our own household

                   Yet we eat together

                            The possibility remains

                   Some day we will leave as friends

                   We will drop our masks of fear

                            and we will recognize each other

                            for the first time.

                   How can we hand bread to one another

                   and remain the same?

 

I don’t know when the mask of fear dropped, but I do know that it was impossible to sit around a table, over and over again, with each other and remain the same. Letting love, desire, curiosity, and wonder have its way with you changes you and the people around you.

 

Below are some pictures of my summer from a sacred and unexplainable space in my life that all of the above is also true about. Incoming fellows! I’m so thrilled to meet you! Don’t let fear make us strangers and I won’t either, ok?

 

All the best, forever and always!

-Hailey Cook

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A Chapter Worth Rereading

To all the fellows this year,

I genuinely can’t believe how fast the time has gone. It feels like just yesterday we were all stepping into something new, not really knowing what to expect, and now we’re standing at the edge of the end of it. It’s strange how time works like that, slow in the moment, but somehow gone in an instant when you look back on it.

With the little time we were given, we made something that feels so much bigger than a year. We made memories that I know will stick with me for the rest of my life. Not just the big moments, but the small ones too, the conversations, the laughs, the hard days, the quiet growth that happened without us even realizing it. All of it matters. All of it shaped something in me.

When I think about this year, I can’t help but see it as a book that’s been written. Every moment, every struggle, every breakthrough, like pages that slowly filled themselves over time. And now, as this chapter comes to a close, there’s a mix of emotions I don’t fully know how to put into words. There’s sadness, “yeah”, but there’s also this deep sense of anticipation. Because if this was one chapter, then it means there’s more to come.

And the cool thing about a book is that you can always go back and reread it. You can sit in the pages again, remember what it felt like, see things you missed the first time. I know for a fact this is a chapter I’ll come back to over and over again. Not because I want to stay in the past, but because it reminds me of what God has already done, how He moved, how He shaped us, and how He showed up in ways we didn’t expect.

It wasn’t an easy year. I think we can all agree on that. There were moments that stretched us, challenged us, maybe even broke parts of us down. But in that, we learned so much. We grew in ways that only come through being pushed, through being uncomfortable, through being honest with ourselves and with each other. It feels like we’ve each been given something now, a kind of understanding, a wisdom, that we carry forward. Almost like we’ve been handed the pen to start writing the next part ourselves.

As I think about moving away, there’s definitely a weight to it. It’s not easy leaving something that has meant this much. But I don’t see this as a goodbye. I really don’t. It’s more of a “see you later.” Because the kind of connection we’ve built doesn’t just end when the program does. You all have become a part of my life in a way that doesn’t just disappear.

You each hold a place in my heart. Truly. And the best way I can describe it is this, you’ve become like roots to my tree. You’ve grounded me, supported me, and helped shape who I am becoming. And roots don’t just vanish when the seasons change. They stay. They continue to give life, even when things look different on the surface.

And the truth is, I’m not that far. I’ll be around. Weekend visits, random check-ins, moments where we pick up right where we left off, that’s something I’m holding onto.

I’m really going to treasure this final week we have together. There’s something special about knowing it’s the last stretch, not in a sad way, but in a meaningful one. Like you become more aware, more present, more grateful for every moment.

What we’ve built this year has deepened who God created us to be. I truly believe that. Through every high and every low, He was working, refining us, shaping us, drawing us closer to Him and to each other. And that kind of growth doesn’t just stop here. It carries into whatever comes next.

I love you all so much. More than I probably say enough. And I really do wish the best for each and every one of you as you step into the next chapter God has waiting. I’m excited to see where life takes you, what stories you begin to write, and how this chapter continues to echo in everything you do.

This isn’t the end of the story.

Just the turning of a page.

Your Photo Friend,

Tyler Brantley

@mpressivephotos

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My last blog as a Raleigh Fellow!

Hello blog! happy May from your favorite fellow Bevi. 

This month has been a whirlwind of fun things & medium things and I haven’t really started my mental debrief of all of fellows except I know that there’s a lot to debrief and I am grateful for that! Although fellows was often overwhelming, I am grateful to have had access to all the things, all the people, and all the resources. The Lord definitely was teaching me quite a few things this year and it will take me a while to process all of them. Thank you to the people here and the people on the phone who help me process as I go. 

Last weekend I was in Charlottesville for my friend Jenna’s engagement, and I got to visit my old church and hear my old pastor, Robert, preach (so sweet because his sermons are always my favorite). He talked a lot about how Jesus is the one voice we follow, and his voice gives life. In psalm 23, Jesus is leading us to listen to him, which we can do because he is good and he gives us life. He promises that he will be with us, but doesn’t promise that it will be easy- we will still be led through dark valleys and be led in front of our enemies. The point, though, is that I’m being led by my Good Shepherd who is with me always. This has been true for me this year- throughout the ups and downs of fellows, and through the good and hard things I’m learning, I haven’t had to doubt that my Good Shepherd has been with me. 

I continue to be in a huge stage of discernment & listening as I think about the future. I decided I’m staying in Raleigh and am grateful for the Lord’s direction and provision on this. Don’t get too excited; I don’t have a job yet. But I do have a house and 5 roommates! In this season of feeling “in between,” I’ve been able to reflect on all the little God sightings and present blessings each day because the Lord has given me peace that he will provide in the future. 

April highlights:

  • Went line dancing with my host family! Somehow became even more obsessed with the Williams family. Happy birthday month, Cathy!

  • Saw MG host a beautiful fundraising event at her home

  • Went to chapel hill with fellows, and to see UVA water polo friends!

  • Decided I am staying in Raleigh!

  • Went to Richmond and Charlottesville with the fellows! the concert in Richmond was so fun and slumbie at Morgan’s house gave me a peek into what it will be like living together post fellows (sweet and fun and I’m excited to share clothes with roommates again). And It was SO fun for me to share my favorite place, cville, with all of the fellows. Thank you everyone for letting me take you to experience a magical cville spring with a picnic on the tog, a trip to the stud, chaps, and shopping on the downtown mall. i’m so glad you enjoyed a frat crawfish boil too. What a treat this was!

  • Went back to Charlottesville again to see a ton of my college friends and celebrate our friends Jenna and JB getting engaged. This was so refreshing! It’s fun to snap right back into old routines with familiar people, while appreciating how we are all starting our new lives and growing in new ways. 

  • Classes are great always & we’ve been learning a lot about the theology of work which has been valuable. 

  • It’s been sweet to think about “ending well” with the people here and taking time to think about gifts and last moments together. I’m excited to celebrate together as we finish these last two weeks!

  • Things I’m loving: Harry Styles album, Noah Kahan album, berry & PB smoothies, watercoloring, Flatland Calvary, my new brown skirt, seeing college friends, my new pink journal

  • Things I will miss: meals with my host family, free lunch at work, prayer partner hangs, my discounted Y membership, sitting on Elaina’s couch on Monday afternoons, Bible class with Ryan and Emily

There’s always more to say but I think that’s what is at the top of my mind. Thanks for reading my scattered thoughts! Thank you to everyone who read these blogs from me, prayed for me, and supported me financially. 

-Bevi Lundeen

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Fellows finale!

Welcome back! I’m glad you’re here, reading some of my final thoughts as a Raleigh Fellow. Two more weeks of that title, two more weeks of trying to explain a confusing 9 month program where I live with a family and work part time and am not quite an adult (I’m oddly going to miss this spiel.) Honestly writing this last (official) blog feels a bit intimidating - how do I sum up this program and the ways that it's changed me? How to give perfect language to the encounters and relationships and growth etc. etc. etc. Overwhelming, right? Something my mentor, Kathryn Gatewood has taught me is to slow down, to feel the Lord, to just be with him and be with who has made me to be. So that’s what I’m going to do instead, I’ll let you in on who I am right this moment - on a Friday night, in my pjs waiting for my sister to land at the airport. I have a grateful heart and a mind convinced that the greatest joy of my life will be to follow Jesus for as long as I have here. That is what this program has given me! There’s many details, classes, conversations, retreats, and meals all orchestrated by Ashley that have led to these two facts and if you’re a potential fellow or an incoming fellow, boy do you have some goodness waiting for you here, if you’re not then you’ll just have to trust me. 

The hymn “In the Garden” was introduced to me by Kathryn in our first semester and it hasn’t left my mind since. She asked me what it means to “tarry” with the Lord, what does it look like to linger around with him. I think this will be the question I chase for the rest of my life and I feel so excited to figure out what it looks like to linger with God in this next season, to hear his voice and follow him through the garden. So as I step into these next two weeks, our final lap as fellows, I’m holding onto this - the Lord has brought me into incredible good in these past 8 months, why wouldn’t he do it again with the next? 

*a little bit of In the Garden 

“He speaks, and the sound of His voice

Is so sweet the birds hush their singing;

And the melody that He gave to me

Within my heart is ringing

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,

And He tells me I am His own,

And the joy we share as we tarry there,

None other has ever known”

I’ve absolutely loved fellows so much, I wish every person had the gift of going through this program and I’m so thankful to every person who has supported my time here! Thank you to the Burgesses (host fam), Kathryn (mentor), Ashley (director), my fellow fellows, Maddie (buddy), my family, and everyone who has supported me financially and in prayer! It has changed me, thank you a million. 

One last, what I’m loving…

  • The banana bread latte - half sweet - from purple bowl

  • Getting into grad school!! (see ya soon Meredith) 

  • FLATLAND CALVARY/CVILLE collab weekend of my actual dreams

  • Seeing my college friends at a bridal shower, a wedding, and said FC concert

  • All different colors of irises

  • The girls watching the choice! 

  • My mom & friend visiting for the day 

  • The girls (minus carsyn because she's getting married) living together post fellows!!!!

  • The sunshine! 

  • Feeling the ache of leaving my job next week (that means I love it and I’m excited to be back there next year)

Now let’s party for two more weeks!!! 

With love, Reagan 

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Farewell, Raleigh Fellows

Wow, April went by so fast and I’m almost not a Fellow. 

I find myself surprised at how quickly things are coming to an end. Next week is our week of lasts. It's the last week of work, class, Neighbor 2 Neighbor, and Round Table, and this is my last blog. Nine months have passed in the blink of an eye.

I feel like if you told me what my life would look like right now, in September when Fellows started, I wouldn’t have believed you. I’m staying in Raleigh for at least another year, 6 out of 7 of us girls are moving into a house together (shoutout Carsyn for getting married, I don’t think we could squeeze in a seventh), and what I am thinking of doing post-Fellows is very different from what I was thinking coming in.

My year as a Raleigh Fellow was growing, surprising, stretching, uncomfortable, new, silly, and fun. I am grateful for each and every person who poured their time and resources into making this program possible for post-grad people like myself. Most notably, my host family the Thielmans, my mentor, Terri, Apostles staff, and of course, Ashley.

Even though it is sad that a chapter of my life is coming to an end, I think I am ready to jump into the real world. It’s hard to write about an ending without either sounding cliche or being too emotional. But truly, the end of Fellows feels as much like an ending as it does the kickstart to a new beginning. I feel really lucky that most of us will be in Raleigh, so the community aspect of Fellows really doesn't have to end! While I will miss Wednesday nights at Ashley's house, retreats, and classes, I feel equipped and excited to step into the next chapter of my life. 

Thanks be to God. 

Jackie

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seeing sufficiency

I have been in this run club for a long time. I run, talk, ask questions, get exhausted, experience beauty, slow down and walk, ask more questions, get excited, talk some more, yada yada yada. You get it, run clubs are the thing. Anyways, running ends when I go to bed, and when I wake up I get to run all over again the next day.  

My shin splints from 8th grade cross country are screaming for help at the thought of being a member of an actual run club. The run club I’m referring to is the great gift I have of being an internal skeptic. I challenge everything. I ask everything. I wonder everything. In my mind there is a constant flow of questions and dreams; it always seems to be go go go run club up in this mind of mine. I also do all of this externally, but that’s not the point of this blog.

When I stepped into my relationship with the Lord a little over 4 years ago, I didn’t hesitate to bring my Internal Skeptic Run Club along with me. The cool part is now I can acknowledge God’s presence in that space with me, but that means I also easily challenge his love for me and question his faithfulness he’s shown me.

Morgan led her Roundtable last night and we were prompted to draw something that we are taking from fellows into this transition as a reminder of what God has shown us this year. Two very physical reminders the Lord has kept using to rein my thoughts in during run club have been Simon helping Jesus carry his cross and Emily Walker showing us pictures of the tiny cellar Paul was imprisoned and where writers of Paul’s letter came to listen and transcribe what Paul was proclaiming. These are two very physical reminders with a whole lot of evidence, which Internal Skeptic Run Club is really blown away by. Jesus’ physical neediness and Paul’s testimony being heard beyond the walls of a tiny cellar both rocked my world and continue to.

I’m reminded of this scripture that we read in our last Spiritual Formation with Mary Young. This was a time I got to close my eyes and spend in realization of these physical reminders, putting the pieces together, and then I fell asleep with Carsyn sleeping on the other end of the same couch (all perfect). Luke 24: 38-39… He said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have.”

Here are a few other physical reminders of the Lord’s sufficiency and goodness from this last month that I have experienced!

  • Easter Sunday at Apostles was super special

  • Went to Colorado for a week for work and just missed Ashley and the fellows a bunch. Really cool to have people that I miss while I’m away from them and 9 months ago they were strangers.

  • Biking at the beach & Mountains and maps

  • Time with my mentor, Emily Smith! Great balance of laughter and seriousness

  • Feeling a sense of accomplishment from work this week (usually I just don’t acknowledge how I feel leaving work unless it’s being tired- need to obviously try to change this)

  • Bieberchella

  • Richmond/Charlottesville weekend

  • Saw some of my family in Charlotte this past weekend!

  • Velvet Taco free queso in Flip flops in the rain

xoxo, talk again soon! promise. -Hailey Cook

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Blog, the Eighth

Well, here we are. 20 days. At least at the time of writing this. Psalm 90:12 reminds us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom. I’ve tried my best to relish these last days of fellows. I feel like I’m taking in every moment as I grieve the impending reality that I simply won’t have the same level of proximity or regularity of time with these people. I won’t write much else frankly, but I do want to share a list a number of things that brought me joy this month:

-       The Pitt finale

-       Talking to my friend Drew for an hour on the phone while walking the neighborhood

-       People in my life that care

-       A fun Friday in chapel hill

-       Celebrating my Great Aunt Mimi’s life

-       An unexpected night at two roosters with people from the church

-       Winning Flip 7 at guys night

-       Reminders of childhood & good days at roundtable

-       So much from the weekend in Richmond & Charlottesville

-       “That cup of coffee” (sorry that’s the best you’re getting this month)

-       Crying for the first time in a while saying thank you and see you later to my mentor Bryan

-       My friend Joseph

-       Reagan’s prayer partner reveal

-       Bonding with my coworkers

-       New Noah Kahan (x2)

-       A handful of us going to dinner and my paloma there

-       Growth

-       Afternoon shopping with the gals

-       Kids ministry being chill

-       Roundtable fishbowl

-       Dinner with the Bolash family

 That list feels extensive enough, and I promise this isn’t the last you’ll hear from me.

Jacob W. Currin

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Ending Well - MG

One thing about me is that I love endings.

It sounds so wrong, but there’s something about a chapter closing that brings me so much joy and gratitude. Maybe it’s the fresh perspective? All the little annoyances and inconveniences fall away. Everything feels especially meaningful. Reflections on growth and progress abound, highlighting God’s faithfulness and closeness throughout the year.

The last few weeks have been the sweetest time in my whole year in fellows. Classes have been rich, side quests have been abundant, relationships with God and others have felt so secure and fulfilling.

Yet I still feel so much sadness that these things are ending. No matter how hard I tried, it’s impossible to take in the full value of the program in the moment. But now as I look back, I reflect on how precious our classes, roundtables, retreats, and fieldtrips were. I had so many wise people at my disposal this year, and was exposed to more rich content than I could ever hope to fully absorb.

I’m going to desperately miss going to class on Mondays & Fridays and having the full attention and energy of pastors and leaders pouring into us. I’m going to miss host family debriefs and daily rhythms and routines with them. Selfishly, I’m going to miss having Ashley to ourselves, knowing that we are unfortunately being replaced next year (very rude) (hope that no 2027 Fellows are reading this).

But I’m SO excited for all that is to come! We’ve talked all year about setting a trajectory for our lives. Not a life plan or a play-by-play, but a vision for the kind of life we want to live, and how to take steps toward that. And I’m so ready to begin executing! I’m ready to intentionally pursue community, lean fully into my church and network, and take action! I’m very much a trial-and-error kind of person, and I want to put everything that I’ve gained this year to the test.

And what beautiful examples I have for living life well! I get to follow in the footsteps of my mentor, host family, thriving young adult community, and countless others!

Wow this is so intimidating to write. I feel like I’m writing my own eulogy, but I already did that, so I need to chill. I have so much more reflecting to do, but this has been a great start. Maybe I’ll pop in this summer and put more thoughts into the void (does anyone read these?). Anyways, I need to stop and postpone this freak out until later.

Thanks be to God for endings and beginnings and seasons and transitions. May He bless these precious last two weeks!

Love you all,

Maddie Grace

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Where There's a Will #7

If you haven’t watched Ted Lasso, you’re missing out. I binge watched all three seasons of this show last summer before moving out of Boone. When I think about this show I think about the darts scene in Season 1. It has been overplayed and used across all kinds of clip channels on YouTube and TikTok and even at YoungLife camps during the talks. But I stop and watch it every time.

In this clip, Rupert challenges Ted to a game of darts with some big consequences on the line. Rupert is one of the most cocky, unlikable characters I have ever seen so of course he pulls out his own custom darts and underestimates Ted’s dart abilities. Fast forward and Rupert thinks he has the game won. Ted responds by doing and saying the following:

Ted: You know, Rupert, guys have underestimated me my entire life. And for years, I never understood why. It used to really bother me. But then one day, I was driving my little boy to school and I saw this quote by Walt Whitman and it was painted on the wall there. It said, "Be curious, not judgmental." I like that.

(Throws a triple 20)

Ted: So I get back in my car and I'm driving to work, and all of a sudden it hits me. All them fellas that used to belittle me, not a single one of them were curious. They thought they had everything all figured out. So they judged everything, and they judged everyone. And I realized that their underestimating me... who I was had nothing to do with it. 'Cause if they were curious, they would've asked questions. You know? Questions like, "Have you played a lot of darts, Ted?"

(Throws another triple 20)

Ted: To which I would've answered, "Yes, sir. Every Sunday afternoon at a sports bar with my father, from age ten till I was 16, when he passed away." Barbecue sauce.

(Throws a bulls-eye)

We can learn a lot of things through the way that Ted acted in this clip but the same quote that stands out to him is what stood out to me, “Be curious, not judgemental.” Now apparently this quote was not actually said by Walt Whitman but that’s ok. Ted has been underestimated his whole life, especially when taking over a premier league football team. By listening to Ted, we get a peek into his life and get some pretty good advice on how we need to treat people.

Ask questions. Be curious. Do not be judgmental. Being a part of Fellows and feeling the year slowly begin to wrap up is making me sit with this. Being curious as the next thing comes. Asking questions as this program comes to an end. If we follow this path we will be triumphant and a lot happier than people who live in judgement (like Rupert).

-Will

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