Would it really be a final blog if at least a few of us didn’t post late? I’m sure you could figure out my answer to that question if you simply look at the day I am posting…oops. As we wind down to the last 15 days of Fellows, it means I am officially down to 17 days left in Raleigh. And boy oh boy are we packing in every possible thing. And yet, as I find myself scheduling hangs and “lasts” down to the hour every day, I also have found myself feeling overwhelmed with gratitude that Raleigh is full of so many people and places that I can hardly squeeze in seeing them all one last time.
Now of course the burning question you all have for us Fellows as we get ready to leave: What are you going to take away from this year? And, was it worth it? Now, while the second question comes with an easy answer from me (yea, obviously, 1000x yes), the first question is a massive one that I’m not sure I’ll be able to answer well for months if not years after being here. That being said, I can tell you something I have thought about as I have tried to answer that question on the fly. The reality is, I think we tend to gravitate towards people most similar to us in general. That being said, had I been tasked with hand-picking 13 other recent college grads to be my closest friends for the year, I likely wouldn’t have picked every one of the Fellows. Now slow down and lock in before you take that as an insult. I wouldn’t have hand-picked all 13 of the Fellows, because I probably would’ve picked 13 people who were most similar to me, who wouldn’t challenge my comfortable perspectives or push me outside my comfort zone. Hear me say PRAISE GOD I wasn’t in charge of picking the Fellows, because boy He clearly knew what He was doing. The natural outcome I have seen from a group with such a range of personalities and experiences is that it has forced my “grey” to expand. By that I mean the grey area that exists behind every opinion and argument. I have just learned that, even more than before, things are always less black and white than I think, and what peace that brings with it.
Now just for a second I need to say how truly sad I am to leave. I’m not leaving due to a lack of opportunity, community, or a sense of home, and yet I find myself leaving. I can’t quite explain it, but I am grieving a different kind of goodbye than most of the other Fellows as we close the year. I am saying goodbye to a job with a mission I believe in, a city I’ve grown to know and love, a church that has begun to feel like home, a couple who have become like parents to me, a director who has loved and encouraged me and unexpectedly become a friend, 7 guys who have been community in a way I’ve never had with Christian men, and 6 women who have been a sisterhood I never knew I needed and who push me to be better every single day. I am forgetting many things in that list, but I hope you just know that I love you guys and I will miss you so immensely.
all my love, truly,
Emma <3