The past couple of months, I’ve realized that my life has been heavily defined by waiting. Waiting for PA school responses, waiting for comfortability in Fellows, waiting to know what my next moves can be after Fellows ends. There have been a lot of things in my life that have been uncertain, which I absolutely hate. I thrive in the certainty of a plan and following through with that plan, and when I can’t do that, I feel insecure and out of control.
But, there is so much value in waiting, and in being out of control. Because when I have no idea what a plan could even be, I can’t have faith in it alone, which strips me of my pride and brings me humbly to Jesus. And when that happens, I’m forced to recognize the many ways in which I prefer to rely on myself instead of the Lord, which works to re-center my heart and focus on what the Lord has for me rather than what I think I have for me.
So, as my mentor told me, this season is all about “expectantly waiting”. As we expectantly wait for Jesus’ return and as the Jewish people expectantly waited for Jesus’ birth, I can expectantly wait for the unknown because I have faith in God’s plan and purpose for my life. Not that I always trust as I should, and not that I don’t struggle with the unknown, but at the end of the day there is hope in Jesus, and that allows me to be able to expectantly wait in the unknowns of whatever life contains.