Tonight Ashley said “You have two and a half months left” and I said “I’m sorry what.” These months have FLOWN. Like tomorrow is March 1st? I literally did not know how many days were in February this year. How is it March already? I mean granted it’s BIRTHDAY MONTH so I’m not complaining but HOW did we get here (also side note it’s birthday month for me AND Laura so if you want to take part in our party planning committee HMU-- so far we have a pinata and biodegradable glitter).

I was having a conversation about my future the other day. Which tends to happen these days because we’re getting closer to adult life and regardless of how much I am totally with my entire being trying to deny that, there is some part in me that is making me internally subconsciously think about my future. But in that conversation I was not only talking about future plans for jobs and workplace and where the Lord is calling me, but also I was trying to reflect on what my year in the Fellows is going to mean to me this time next year. Because now is the time for me to start taking this experience seriously. And I’ve taken it seriously from day one but I think now is where it can really come to fruition in thinking about how I am applying it to my future life outside of Fellows.

The things we do inside of Fellows make so much sense- retreats, reflection, testimony sharing, weekly host family dinners, weekly roundtable discussions, only working 3 days a week, always having a 4 day weekend, going to class Mondays and Fridays, and having ample access to resources for jobs, mentors, community, and spiritual growth. All of this is normal right now. This is our schedule and this is our routine. But what is all of that going to mean when I get out of Fellows? When and if I sit down with a current fellow next year and she/he starts asking me how I’ve applied Fellows to my ordinary life, what am I going to say? I don’t know the answers to these questions now, but I’m thinking that starting to think about that now is going to affect my answer then. Because thinking about how to make this time intentional and worth something is going to make it intentional and worth something then.

So here are my ideas: start thinking about the future in terms of what I want to do with my job and what my career goals are, but also be extremely present in every moment I have left in Fellows. Be intentional about meeting with people and talking through logistics of staying in a job, leaving a job, how to apply for jobs, what people look for on a resume, how to know where the Lord is calling you, being open to listening to how the Lord wants to use my nursing degree. But in every conversation with a fellow Fellow, listen, laugh, enjoy, press in, learn more about them, go to McDonald’s at 11pm, eat another Cook Out milkshake, gain another 10 lbs because the food is all free and who cares if you ate a happy meal the last 3 nights. These are the moments that are going to mean something next year. The Lord loves your presence and He loves your supplications. Enjoy where He has you now and be excited about where He is taking you. That’s a letter from me to me. Thanks for entering into that moment with me.

x’s & o’s ~ Amy


sometimes logs are hard to chop and sometimes you smash your already ingrown fingernail in between two logs and it starts bleeding and it’s 30 degrees outside so your fingers are already numb so it just adds to the hurt but i think that’s life. we’re all carpenters and wood choppers in a world full of difficult logs. and at the end of the day all the chopped wood is going to sit neatly stacked on a wall and you’re going to rest and do it all again tomorrow.

sometimes logs are hard to chop and sometimes you smash your already ingrown fingernail in between two logs and it starts bleeding and it’s 30 degrees outside so your fingers are already numb so it just adds to the hurt but i think that’s life. we’re all carpenters and wood choppers in a world full of difficult logs. and at the end of the day all the chopped wood is going to sit neatly stacked on a wall and you’re going to rest and do it all again tomorrow.

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