Oh January, how you have flown by.
I was working on a newsletter for work just the other day and had to pause when I typed “February’s Edition…” - it felt wrong somehow. Like we were opening Christmas gifts just last week. I have this desire for life to slow down, to have the capacity to fully live in the blessing of each hour of every single day. And yet, if I’m completely honest, I so often don’t want that. I feel the tension of not wanting my Fellows year to end, while also feeling the ache of waiting for something new to begin.
Most nights, that waiting shows up quietly. It looks like lying in bed…mentally running through questions I don’t have answers to yet.
Where will I live?
Who will I live with?
Do I bank on the Hurricanes to offer me a full-time position?
Will I live in Raleigh - gosh, I hope so. At least…I think I hope so.
There are so many unanswered questions lingering in the back of my mind, yet I’m still called to live in the moment…right? I feel like Peter in the book of Matthew when he steps out onto the water, sees the wind, and cries out, “Lord, save me!” I’m taking steps in faith, and I even know the Lord is there. I know He has something good for me - whatever that may look like - so why do I still feel that same doubt Peter felt?
If the Lord were standing right in front of me, would I still doubt? Probably. But why?
Okay - deep breath. That got pretty heavy, so let’s have some fun with the rest of this blog.
January has been insane. Spoiler alert: I traveled to Nicaragua with my fellow Fellows and saw a glimpse into a world I quite frankly didn’t know existed. Naturally, I knew that life looked tremendously different outside of the United States, yet I’m convinced it’s impossible to really understand until you see it with your own eyes. Until you feel the embrace of a hug from a child who seemingly has nothing, yet still has joy.
Not temporary spurts of dopamine, but joy - real, rooted joy. It was beautifully painful in the best way.
I also experienced my first flight and let me tell you - airplanes are cool. 10/10 recommend.
Hockey season is in full swing, and ya boy got a promotion - woohoo! It’s kind of wild how the Lord works. I had fully anticipated asking my boss if she’d be okay with me shadowing her sometime soon (something I’ve done in the past), and before I could even ask, I was invited to step into a temporary role that closely resembles her own.
The technical term is “Stage Manager,” which essentially means helping run the show. I wear a headset and hear every single second of every planned moment throughout the night - every cue, every transition, every adjustment in real time. It’s fast-paced, intense, and honestly…pretty awesome.
Will this turn into a full-time job? Who knows. Like I said earlier…so many unanswered questions.
But at the center of all of this, while yes, I’m incredibly grateful and excited about the promotion, where I saw the Lord the most was in how celebrated I felt. The entire Canes Crew, along with other staff members and even fans, have shared such kind words and encouragement. In a season full of uncertainty, feeling genuinely known and supported has meant more than I can put into words.
So yes - there are still so many unanswered questions.
Yet in all of this, I still say: Thanks be to God.
-Peyton Odum