Today I was looking at past blogs of mine to maybe start posting them to my LinkedIn because Will Brown has influenced me to. Anyways! I was looking at the one I posted last month, and while it felt very perfect for February, it feels sweet to know just a fragment of how the Lord was going before me into March. I’ll go into more detail after you read the scripture and sentence from my blog that stuck out to me as I reread.
“Psalm 139: 13-16… For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
It is a strange gift, this birthright of self. Accepting it turns out to be even more demanding than attempting to become someone else! I have sometimes responded to that demand by ignoring the gift, or hiding it, or fleeing from it, or squandering it.”
During my time at the silent retreat, I walked through the first 5 stations of the cross in “An Invitation to Walk With Christ” by Ruth Haley Barton. Station 5 in her booklet is Simon helping Jesus carry his cross. I felt super inclined to just sit there at station 5; in my reflection of my time there, I wrote “forgive me of my proud self-sufficiencies and for the ways in which they wall me off from you and others around me.” This station was hard for me to chew on as I find myself striving for self-sufficiency and deny help for the sake of my independence.
This week, Holy Week, wouldn’t exist if we had a self-sufficient Christ. Holy Week exists only because we have a humble Christ. Christ who also was needy for God. Christ accepted his gift. His birthright of self. And obviously it turned out to be even more demanding than attempting to just shortcut and be someone else to get around all of the troubles. He didn’t go around it, and after it all, He is still being my patient Shepherd while I’m one of his sheep still rolling in my mud puddle of self-sufficiencies.
This was my God sighting that I shared at roundtable tonight. He went before me in March and showed me just a snippet of how! Maybe this is a midnight unformed thought to the reader, but it was super sweet for me to write it.
Top 5 songs of the month:
Taste Back- Harry Styles (beautiful)
American Girls- Harry Styles (magical)
Are You Listening Yet?- Harry Styles (inspirational)
Love Takes Miles- Cameron Winter (cameron Winter overlaps into the 3 other seasons btw)
A Pirate Looks At Forty- Jimmy Buffett (spring is here and summer is after that. get to listening)
Putting this in at the end just to tell all readers about a fun day I had this month! On Palm Sunday I went to Church and Served at Roots, for the first time ever, at 9am and then joined in for the 11am service after. To say I had fun in Roots is too weak of a statement. It was awesome. After Church I went to have lunch with my mentor, Emily, at her house with her family. I was there for 3 hours- they are incredible and fun people. And then that night the Miedema’s had some family and friends over and we watched the UConn v Duke game and ate good food. All this to say I am so thankful for the opportunities I have and the people I get to hangout with all because I took a chance on Raleigh, NC. Cool stuff. Talk soon!
-Hailey Cook