I wish I could be abducted - Ryan

Okay, hey. Im just gonna write about some things I did in January and then explain my title.

Getting a lot of wedding stuff ready, specifically my groomsmen outfits complete. I gotta resize my ring and get my pants hemmed, plus buy shoes. List goes on.

As Fellows is coming to an end in a matter of months, Ive started looking for a job. Im not worried, I know Im provided for by the Lord. Not sure what i’ll be doing, but I’ll update y’all soon enough. With that said, the fellows are going on a 5 day “career calling vocation” retreat. Hoping to gain some insight.

This past weekend was one of the most surpassingly fun weekends of fellows. We went to OBX with our high school small groups that we lead. Got to learn more about them and they were so great.

I want to shoutout the guy fellows, thank you for being intentional and great friends. Didn’t expect this to be honest. You all are special to me. Bailey, great job in the gym, saw your post. Elijah continues to push me theologically and in my grace, thanks brother.

My title is related to the book that I started this week. Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis. For the unaware, this is the first book in his “Space Trilogy”. Im super excited to read this because I love sci-fi, but havnt’t read any books like this in so long. The reason he wrote this first book was because he and J.R. Tolkien were talking about the state of sci-fi and fantasy in literature and they wanted to make something different. J.R. never finished his series, but C.S. finished his. While not even similar, Its reminding me of reading the I Am Number Four series that I read back in middle school, though, Out of the Silent Planet is far more difficult to read casually. My title references the main character that gets brought to Malacandra (Mars) and goes on this crazy adventure that ends up showing him that Malacandra worships the same God as earth (Jesus). Just read it idk man.

See ya.

To Be Known and Know Myself

January has been an incredible month to jump back into Fellows full swing. While, as always, there would be a plethora of things I could choose from to share from January (including the sweet birthday celebration the Fellows planned for me — literally heart melted) I feel like classes this month have been uniquely filling and different.

While we typically have classes that are weekly or semi-regular, this month we have had a large number of one or two-time seminars spanning a variety of topics from biblical finance, to the enneagram, to finding our strengths, to faith and work. Firstly, these have felt like such a privilege since each of the speakers were willing to give us time out of their insane schedules to teach and share, and they are all so inspiring. Also, these classes have easily felt like some of the most directly practical sessions I have had in Fellows.

A couple of my big takeaways from classes:

1. It is so important to understand how God has wired me. Knowing my default responses, my inner strengths, and the things that motivate me are critical to the way I engage with the world. Additionally, knowing these things isn’t for the purpose of “improving my weak areas,” but rather so I know how to play to my strengths and bring the best parts of myself to the table. The whole phrase of being “well-rounded” isn’t stupid, but people don’t succeed because they are mediocre at a lot of things, but rather because they are really good at a few things.

2. When it comes to practically engaging in the world as we know it, namely the workforce and finances as a grown adult, there are always going to be shifts and new things to learn. That being said, it’s important to get the big things right and have a rhythm of reevaluating how I am doing in the other areas.

3. Don’t be afraid of change and opportunity. I have had a mindset, often fed by older generations in the workforce, that once I pick a job, I should plan to be consistent and committed to the organization I work for. However, it is crazy to think that for most of us there is really only one “right place” to work. It has been helpful to feed the opposing narrative to work permanence that if there is an opportunity that God is opening to door to, it makes you excited, and you think it would provide a space for you to grow as a person, then TAKE IT! When things are unclear, trust is often more important than clarity.

Since I don’t have a clear way to wrap this post up with a bow, here’s a verse that has repeatedly come up and meant a lot to me throughout my life with Jesus which has recently become really meaningful once again.

2 Corinthians 3:18 “And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”

With love,

Emma <3

Joe's blog pt 5

Hello world its Joe,

Every week a fellow is paired up with another fellow and they spend intentional time together and hear how they can pray for each other. This is known as prayer partner time or “PP time.” During that time many people go on walks, get lunch, etc. Well yesterday I had “PP Time” with Evy. We went to Clemson vs NC State basketball game and it was awesome. It was so great getting to connect with Evy and getting to pull for my tigers! I tried my best to convert her to becoming a Clemson fan yet she seemed to cheer for both teams. So, I don’t know if I was successful. While we were at the game, Fellow Bryan was there in the NC State student section wearing red SMH. How could he. Fellow Bryan was a Clemson Alum and I was dismayed. It’s okay though because he gave the excuse that he had to in order to get in the game. Clemson won the game 68-58 and Evy and I had a great time hanging out and watching the tigers. Or at least I did lol. Below is a pic of Evy and I from our seats!

Prayer partner time has become one of my favorite parts of being a fellow. From Shelley walks to Clemson bball games, every “PP Time” leaves me encouraged and thankful I’m surrounded by such great people.

Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude. - Winnie the Pooh

I’ve been having so many good, happy days. I don’t realize it until I call a friend or meet someone and they ask me how this year is going. Suddenly all the goodness I’ve been sitting in bubbles to the surface and I feel ungrateful for having forgotten the lovely parts of life so easily. I think the hard parts of my days are like painting with a dark color, it has to be handled with precision or else it’ll consume the whole picture instead of highlighting the lighter, brighter colors as intended. And once it’s down on the page it’s very hard to lighten. All this to say, these weeks are such a mix of light and dark that sometimes I forget the lightness and brightness was there to begin with. In an effort to remember the good, I’m going to take a page from Lola’s b(log)ook and list where I’ve experience the good and lovely in the program.

Work: I’ve been told you rarely get a work experience where passion, gifts, and healthy environment coincide. I have that at Mission Triangle. I am so proud to tell people I work there. What they do matters deeply, what I do energizes me, and who I do it with feels too good to be true.

Class: My inner critic is loud, overbearing and nonstop. Normally in classes that expose where you need to improve (ie professional development, biblical literacy, spiritual discipline, wealth management) I walk away feeling anxious and like I’m already behind. The teachers and content are so grounded in Truth that instead I leave feeling excited and supported. The depth and breadth of substance is insane and it’s not lost on me how blessed I am to have these opportunities to learn and grow.

Volunteering: Kelly hugs me when she sees me. That means everything.

Youth: If I was in 8th grade I would want to be all of their friends. They are so uniquely beautiful. They make Sunday night easy.

Host Family: Derrick is a great listener and analyzer, I love it when he makes sassy jokes. Spencer is a boss. She always makes time to check in on me even though I’m convinced her life is 10x busier than mine.

Ashley: Asking for help has never felt so safe. I love laughing with her.

The Fellows: Better than I prayed for. I wish they all saw themselves like I see them. They are endlessly patient, gracious, wise, thoughtful, fun. Ik they’re probably reading this because they all read each other’s blogs apparently??? Too much time on your hands get outside. But if you guys are reading this, I don’t have words to describe the joy and beauty you’ve brought into my life. If you ever feel discouraged or alone (or just need an ego boost) ask me how I see you, it’s too much for me to write down in a blog.

Raleigh: I love walking around dusk, seeing the families and the light in the green trees. In those moments it feels like home. Nobody freak, but I think I may like it here…

Tessa

My Fifth Blog Post

I’ve been going to the gym lately. It’s been a long time since I’ve worked out consistently, and I have no one to thank except Ryan McKean for my recent gym endeavors (more on Ryan at the end of this blog post). I’ve only been gym-ing for about two weeks, but I can see a little bit of progress. I think my veins are a little more visible, so maybe the doctor won’t have to wiggle the needle like a loose tooth to find them when drawing my blood now. I was at the gym a couple days ago and had a silly goose time so I’m just gonna talk about that in this here blog post. I know I don’t really talk about Fellows stuff in my blogs. Sorry.

Thursday, January 30th, 2025

I substitute taught all day at St. David’s School before I went to the gym. Some would say I taught math. I wouldn't say that. Ryan joined me at Planet Fitness, but we didn’t work out together. It’s always like that though, I’m just thankful to have someone to go with. I think Planet Fitness sent out personal invites to everyone near Capital Boulevard that day. It felt like there were about 120 people there (about 115 people too many). Thirty minutes in, I walked up to a vacant chest fly machine (that’s probably not the correct terminology). When I walk up to gym equipment, there’s a certain amount of fear that I’ll reach my destination at the same time as another gym-er, and that we’re then going to have to figure out which one of us is worthier than the other to use it first. That didn’t happen this time, but I did stumble upon someone’s hoodie and headphones hanging on the machine. I thought that could have possibly been someone’s gym-rat way of claiming this machine, and having now unlocked a new fear of using someone else’s claimed machine, I stood there looking around for about five minutes.

Truthfully I was just waiting to see if some 200 pound-of-pure-planet-fitness-muscle Final Boss would come to beat me to a pulp for trying to use “their” machine, but in my head, it looked like I was devising a plan to steal this machine. I was imagining every Planet Fitness employee was eying me down from every corner of the room, just itching to dial 911 as soon as I put my hands on it. At this point, my heart was racing at about 140 beats per minute before lifting a single weight, so I decided to sit down and just roll with the punches. Not much longer after that, a dapper young gentleman walked up and apologized for leaving his hoodie and headphones. I said that it was no problem, to which he responded with what I later determined was “I like your sweatshirt.” At the time, I didn’t hear what he said, so I replied with “sure man” and proceeded to workout while ruminating on how he probably thought I was a jerk for not saying thank you. Sorry hoodie headphones guy I think I may be hard of hearing.

Afterwards, I decided to use the thingy that you pull down and is supposed to workout your triceps? Sorry that’s the best explanation I can give you. Shortly into yanking some weights around, another gym goer walked up to me and said “hey man, I like your sweatshirt.” This was my redemption. The first time I fumbled heavily, but this was fate's way of letting me know that we all make mistakes and deserve a second chance sometimes. I looked at him, gave a little soft smile, and said “hey… thanks man” before turning back to my triceps thingy to finish my workout. Little did I know, an even greater fear than stealing someone’s claimed machine would soon come into play once he asked me…

“Where’d ya get it?”

Typically when I interact with strangers, I plan out far in advance exactly what I’m going to say and when I’m going to say it because I’m not the best social interactor. If I order food at a restaurant and the waiter says “I’m sorry we’re out of that”, there’s no telling what my response would be, so when this man – who I would eventually learn is named Mason – asked me this follow up question, not only did a wave of panic shower over me, but I also knew that I was going to be in for a long conversation that I didn’t sign up for.

He was actually pretty cool though. Mason went to Liberty University (except he didn’t know my friend Joel who also went to Liberty so where did you really go to school Mason), and currently attends Celebration church. I explained to him what the Fellows Program is to the best of my ability, and he countered by saying he’s currently doing the Bible-in-a-year reading plan. He eventually tried to offer me help with my fitness endeavors, telling me that he was a fitness consultant and had recently started a new business. He said if I needed anything to let him know, but then proceeded to not give me any contact information. Mason, I’m sorry but how in the world would I let you know? Thanks for liking my sweatshirt though. Thanks to you too hoodie headphones guy.

I felt pretty convicted about dreading this conversation with a stranger because it turned out to be a lovely interaction with another believer, and none of it would have happened if Ryan hadn’t encouraged me to go to the gym with him a couple weeks ago. This is a pretty elementary example, but it’s just one of the many ways Ryan has encouraged me to grow throughout the past five months. I can’t clearly articulate the ways that Ryan has helped me shift the way that I view myself, others, and my walk with Jesus, so I’m not going to try. Sorry.

But he’s the man, and I’m very thankful for him.

My song recommendation for this post is “Roll with the Punches” by Dawes, live from the rooftop version of course.

I hope everyone has had an electric start to 2025.

Love, Bailey

Raleigh Rookie: Episode 5

Hello Again!

I hope you’re having a beautiful start to the new year.

On my end, I’m really feeling the season of late winter. Time feels slow. My emotions are stiff. And I find myself dreaming of spring.

As part of my reflection this month, I want to share a poem we read in my spiritual formation class. It’s by John O’Donohue:

blessed be the longing that brought you here

and quickens your soul with wonder.

may you have the courage to listen to the voice of desire

that disturbs you when you have settled for something safe.

may you have the wisdom to enter generously into your own unease

to discover the new direction your longing wants you to take.

may the forms of your belonging – in love, creativity, and friendship –

be equal to the grandeur and the call of your soul.

may the one you long for long for you.

may your dreams gradually reveal the destination of your desire.

may a secret providence guide your thought and nurture your feeling.

may your mind inhabit your life with the sureness

with which your body inhabits the world.

may your heart never be haunted by ghost-structures of old damage.

may you come to accept your longing as divine urgency.

may you know the urgency with which God longs for you.

As of this week, I’ve started driving with the windows down again. Spring is just around the corner. . . Cheers!

-skip

Rallows Month 5

January has been a month of learning. The thing I’ve learned the most about this month has been the Father’s love for me. Over Christmas break, we read “Abba’s Child” which was full of new insight and strong reminders of how and why God loves his children. I’ve seen a new face to my Father’s love, and I’ve seen it through the way my own dad loved me. Way back in middle school, I remember one day my dad played a song for me in the car and told me it was our song. The name of the song is “My Hands” by Grey Reverend. Here are the lyrics:

My hands they still believe in you
My heart’s lens, and I’m staring through
My back against the wall singing yesterdays lines
And I wish that you could see me through tomorrow’s eyes

You’re so in love with no one it seems
So clear your tears will drown your dreams
Did you think of what I’m saying before you decide?
Cause’ I wish that you could see me through tomorrow’s eyes

So many times I cross the line to get to you
No one likes you quite the way I do
Try to understand the songs that I sing to you
No one likes you quite the way I do

My hands are here to feel your pain
Like the clouds that appear before the rain
Did you think of what I’m saying before you decide?
Cause’ I wish that you could see me through tomorrow’s eyes

So many times I cross the line to get to you
No one likes you quite the way I do
Try to understand the songs that I sing to you
No one likes you quite the way I do
No one wants you quite the way I do
No one loves you quite the way I do

This song has always reminded me of how my dad loved me. I know my dad didn’t know all the meanings of the lyrics or really pay attention to them, but I know he was trying to tell me that his hands would always be there to feel my pain and that no one would love me the way he does. My dad woke up every day seeking to show the love of Christ. He was not perfect, but I don't think I would know my heavenly Father’s love in the same way I do if my dad hadn’t mirrored that for me. In my dad’s absence, I see the Father’s love for me greatly because of the way He loved me through my dad and the way He continues to love me.

No one loves us the way God loves us.

This month I recommend… snow in Raleigh, finding God in everyday things, Bananagrams at a Mexican restaurant, half-birthday parties, watered-down lemonade, coffee with Maddie Roberts, and “Heartbreaker” by Justin Bieber.

Evy :)

January Fun Fellows Flicks

Hey Blog!!!

It’s crazy to me that the first month of the year has come and gone already! I feel like I have done so much: a late Christmas with my family and Sam, a snow day in Greenville, SC, celebrated Emma’s birthday and Evy and Lola’s half birthday, a snow day at Docksology, bonding retreat with the Fellows… and that’s just the big things. I feel like I have had so many meaningful conversations throughout it all! The shared album has 2,005 pictures and videos (boo the photo album took away the ability to see how many pictures and videos there are).

<3, AG

EMMA BEAVER

This girl is full of a wealth of knowledge. If you need help driving in the snow? Call her up because if she can navigate the Michigan snow, she can do anything! Need any medical advice? Call her up because that’s what all the Fellows do (future Dr. Emma). Want to have an amazing conversation? DEFINITELY call her up because she is so intentional and caring!

Skip “You’re fine” DePasquale

This line has been adopted by many Fellows this year after Skip started saying it! Skip has been quite a trendsetter in phrases and mannerisms. From a swiping hand motion to a laugh out loud, Skip is always the one to be animated and get the whole room to laugh! Raleigh Fellows just wouldn’t be the same without him!

Fellows blog 5! Learning to thrive

I’ve really enjoyed January as a fellow! Honestly it might have been my favorite month. Christmas break let me get some healthy rest, to reflect and process the first half of the program, and I feel like I made some necessary changes to have a better 2nd half of the experience. While there’s a lot I can recap about this month I want to focus on something I think God has been teaching me recently

For the first time in my life I’ve actually been using a bible reading plan this year as opposed to reading sporadically. It called The Bible Recap and everyday it tells you what scriptures to read and then has a short video highlighting important context or details you might have missed. While I’ve been going through genesis I’ve been particularly struck by the story of Abraham in a way that I haven’t before.

God made a promise to Abraham to give him many descendants and to make him into a great nation. In Genesis 15 Abraham believes this promise that he will have a descendant and his faith is “counted to him as righteousness”. However in the next chapter we see that although Abraham trusted Gods ends, he did not trust God’s means. At the request of his wife, he sleeps with his wife’s servant Hagar who gives birth to Ishmael. Although God has mercy on both Hagar and Ishmael, he reiterates that Abraham and Sarah will conceive a child even in their old age, and that he will be the promised child, not Ishmael. After Isaac is born, one day God tells Abraham to sacrifice him as an offering to the Lord. Nevertheless Abraham has learned at this point to trust God even when his plan doesn’t seem to make sense. Before he brings the knife down The Angel of the Lord (Commonly believed to be Jesus before the incarnation) tells him to stop and points out a ram that was caught by its horns to sacrifice instead. God then blesses Abraham from not withholding anything from him and his faith is proved in both Gods ends and his means.

Of course this is a HUGE oversimplification of the story, and its theological and cultural implications are massive. In the past I’ve focused in on the foreshadowing of Christ. The way that Isaac carries the wood for his own sacrifice, how Abraham says that God will provide a lamb when God gives a ram instead (Jesus is the lamb), how the sacrifice takes place in the very place Jewish traditions says that Jesus himself was crucified, how Isaac is called Abrahams only son, etc. But this time I was struck by the emotion of the story. Imagine you’ve been waiting your whole life for Gods promise to you. You’ve made many mistakes, and trying to force his plan to happen in your own timing and its had destructive consequences. In your old age, God finally gives you the thing he promised you long ago, and then he asks you to give it back to him. Imagine Abraham holding the promise of God in one hand, and a knife in the other.

In my own life, where am I tempted to rush Gods plan for my life on my own terms? If God asks me to sacrifice the very thing I thought was his plan for my life, would I obey?

In a much smaller way than the way Abraham was tested, I feel like God has been testing me. For the past 4 years I’ve wanted to pursue full time ministry. In college I felt God call me into ministry, and dedicated all of my time to campus ministry efforts. Almost all of my friends expect me to go into pastoral ministry, and so do many of the people who donated for me to go to fellows in the first place. In college I double majored in Interpersonal communication and Philosophy to prepare me for ministry. Apostles is the 3rd church that I’ve interned for, and I’ve studied theology as my main hobby for years. Its safe to say that I’ve put all of my eggs in this ministry basket. But as fellows has gone on, I’ve grown more and more confident that God is saying, “Not yet”. I truly do believe that long term it is Gods plan for me to be a pastor, but for now I think I want to continue the process of ordinary discipleship to Jesus, service to the local church, and honoring God in a non-religious job. Its been a painful conclusion to come to in many respects. Its scary to think about where I will go after fellows, or how I will turn my ministry resume into something that can get me a good job in the marketplace. But I trust that God is not in a rush, his thoughts are higher than my thoughts, and that God rewards those who obey him in faith. The reasons of why I think God is leading me in this new direction are many, and I don’t know if I want to disclose them all in this blog. But for now I will continue to look to the story of Abraham, and place my confidence in God’s ends and God’s means .

Elijah

January Blog - Bryan

Howdy folks!

January has come and gone in the blink of an eye, and it was a great month! Its a little bit scary how quickly Fellows is progressing, but I’m merely hoping to stay present and teachable while it lasts. Anyways, here’s a few pictures of some moments in January:

The Fellows went on a bonding retreat to Docksology! This included an awesome roundtable discussion led by Bailey, fun games like a fellows-themed Family Feud (shoutout Tessa and Celeste for setting that up), daily cold plunges by me and AG, and many more great memories.

It snowed this month, not once, but twice! Me, Josh, and Jenna went over to former fellows Luke, Brendan, Dylan, Jacob, and Alec’s house to burn old Christmas trees that they had collected.

This month also featured some great prayer partner times. This picture is from this week, where me, Ashley, Skip, and Evy had a double prayer partner time with mini golf. Highly recommend Par-Tee Shack. Prayer partner time with AG included hanging out and eating dinner before we both left early for the retreat the next day to help Ashley set up. Prayer partner time with Evy was a 40 minute drive to the Carolina Tiger Rescue before learning that some of the tigers were rescued from the Tiger King facility!

Anyways, January was great and I’m looking forward to this next month of Fellows.

Tootles!

Bryan

What? On time?? Did he use ChatGPT?

What’s up guys!

January flew by! Lots of fun things happened. Here are a couple:

I got to serve in the children’s ministry. I helped corral a bunch of 4th/5th grade boys and guide them through deep theological questions such as why Jesus was baptized, and what a catechism is. (Did I spell that right?). Also, the kids have the liturgy memorized!!! We are raising up a formidable force of young Anglicans.

I led my Roundtable this week. I really enjoyed hearing everyone's perspectives! We talked about Gossip vs Honor. We talked about when we are tempted to gossip, how to ask for guidance without it being gossip, and how to protect our hearts from hardening against others. We also talked about showing honor, mercy, and grace to each other. We talked about how David refused to harm Saul (God’s anointed), and how that is the same radical love that God shows us every day. We wrapped it up with a thing we did at Virginia Tech BYX called “Hats Off”. It is an exercise in “outdoing each other in showing honor” where we raise our hand and say something about others in the room to honor them. It’s one of those things that could go all night, and is really uplifting for everyone around.

Fishing update: I have been honing my skills as a long-distance surf caster by learning from the best. Bryan and I went to the Raleigh Fishing Expo. I got to attend a seminar hosted by the US Surf Casting Team. These guys are absolute tanks. They can chuck 5 ounces of lead 850+ feet. I also learned a ton about old drum fishing on the Pamlico Sound. I can’t wait until Spring!

Until next time,

Josh

He tends the garden!

Hi blog! Happy almost February!

At our retreat last weekend Bryan had us look again at what it is to abide and bear fruit. Honestly this moment was one of my favorite moments of the weekend because I got to affirm the fruit that I see growing in my lovely friends!! And it's super special bc I had already planned to write my blog about the fruit of the spirit, it just feels even more timely now.

So here’s a (nonexhaustive) list of some ways I see the Fruit of the Spirit play out in my friends. Grateful for a God that grows and sustains these in each one of us through the rain and the pruning. And so grateful I get to see his heart in these 14 faces I love so. 

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

Jenna daily shows me the love of the Lord. Being with Jenna is like a warm hug, a whisper of “you belong here” that pulls people in and shows them the heart of the Father. A line in one of my favorite worship songs is “Unreserved, unrestrained. Your love is wild, your love is wild for me. It isn’t shy, it's unashamed. Your love is proud to be seen with me.” Jenna makes this deep love of the Lord visible to me. It’s a gift to be loved by her, it shows me Jesus. 

I am so grateful for the ways that Elijah displays what it is to have the joy of the Lord be your strength. There is a deep joy evident whenever he speaks about the things of the Lord whether that be a specific text we are reading, something he is studying for work, the movement of the Spirit, or really anything. Elijah shows deeply what it is to not just follow the Lord, but to follow the Lord with deep joy and excitement for the work that he is going to do.

In AG I frequently see the joy of the Lord. But it's not a passive surface level joy, its a hard fought joy that has been formed in clinging to the Lord in the ups and downs. AG is quick to enter into the joys of others, so many times she has made space for me giving even the smallest joys and sorrows full attention. She reminds me that even those small joys have eternal weight. She reminds me to hold close to those even when things feel heavy.

In Skip I see the peace of Christ, but it is a peace that is so much deeper than the shallow passivity I often confuse with peace. Skip holds deep convictions and he is not in a rush. And through him I am learning that that is much more what peace looks like. It's a willingness to sit with things, to say “I want to think about that more”, it's a willingness to both listen deeply and speak clearly, both in their time. 

Bryan is so often the first to listen without a rush. He has listened to me compain hundreds of times about the same things and yet his patience still feels so genuine. That is a deep gift that so quickly shows me what it is that the Lord listens to my cries without shame and without rush. Bryan is so willing to sit with people in joy and sorrow and just the ins and outs of day to day life without the expectation of anything in return. That patience with people is a fruit that points directly to the gardener.

In Tessa I see the kindness of the Lord. The kindness to see others, to create space, to lean into vulnerability, to speak with truth, to notice and acknowledge and encourage. I have seen the Lord’s kindness to me in the way that Tessa has seen me in moments I really needed to be seen and known. In her is a strong and steady kindness that points so steadily back to the kindness of our God. 

Bailey is truly the most incredible reflection of the kindness of God. He loves people faithfully and truly and seeks their well being, always with care and intentionality in big and small ways. He cares to show up for people in even the littlest ways, like making sure the kind of pickles are right. You can see it in the ways that he talks to people and also so fully in the ways he talks about people- I am so frequently impressed by the ways his kindness shows me Jesus.

Celeste’s heart is so beautifully oriented toward the goodness of God. She wants to seek/know/implement what is good and right, to wrestle with it if it's not immediately apparent, to fight for it if necessary. It’s something that I learn from daily. This week she told me how much she values seeking truth even if we know we won’t ever fully get there. To me that is the work of the Spirit, that is believing we will see the goodness of God in the land of the living. 

When I think about Josh and the way he reflects the heart of the Lord I think about Eugene Peterson’s phrase ‘a long obedience in the same direction’. Josh is wise and steady and so frequently shows me the Lord’s faithfulness. I see it in his kindness to teach me things about my job I don’t know anything about, in his intentionality to ask questions and learn more about things, to show up over and over again for people when its easy and when its not. That is faithfulness that sings of the faithfulness of our God.

Emma shows me what it is to be faithful. I saw her faithfulness so clearly this week as she told me how she thinks and plans and prays for the future. The way she courageously holds her hopes with assurance but also complete surrender and willingness to follow the direction of the Lord. I see faithfulness in the way that when she tells me she will pray for me I know without a doubt that she means it. A faithfulness that over and over points me to the God who is worthy of all our faith and worship.

Joe has shown me the gentleness of God as we try to sort out this next season. He is quick to be inquisitive and learn more about what I want for my future, quick to show me options and opportunities, and all without the pressure or fear or scarcity that I am so quick to heap on myself. Joe’s friendship shows me a gentle kindness that reminds me that I don’t have to flail through a job search all by myself. This is a gentleness that mirrors the heart of God.

Evy is a safe space. A gentleness of spirit and heart that echoes the calls of the Lord which bid me come and rest. She is honest and kind and vulnerable with a gentleness that shows me that my deep fears and emotions and longings are welcome and safe. She shows me that I am seen and loved by her and by the Father. I could not be more grateful. 

I see the fruit of self-control in Ryan as he seeks to follow the Lord faithfully. I am consistently impressed and challenged by the ways that Ryan is willing to put himself aside to ask the question not how do I make following the Lord work for me, but how do I faithfully follow the Lord? And he does so with curiosity, wisdom and honesty. I learn more about following the Lord from his friendship.

As I reflected on ways Ashley has shown me the love of God the words that came to mind were intentionality, empathy, honesty, and as I sat with so many of those I realized how much of that is self-control. Ashley has such good awareness of herself and the ways that she needs to show up for others. I have been just so incredibly and consistently impressed by her vulnerability and compassion while gracefully navigating the demands of this role. The more and more I watch her lead the more I see how incredibly difficult this job is and the more I am just so impressed with the way that Ashley shows the love and care and self-control and very heart of Jesus to each one of us. 

One thing David Spikard said in Just Leadership that I still think about frequently is that we need different people not just for the sake of checking a box, but we need each other because it is in our individuality of thought and experience that we get to glimpse a little more fully at the fullness of God’s character. I am so grateful for all of the little pieces of God’s heart that I get to see reflected here.

January Stats:

LinkedIn connections- 215

Snows- 2

Cries- 15

Crafternoons- 1 (but they're in in 2025 so here's to making more happen)

New year, new verse of the year, new benediction! 

So, even here his hand will lead and hold me!

All my love!

Lola

Joe's blog pt 4

Hello world its Joe.

Today I went on a run with Bailey and Celeste and they encouraged me to have my blog be about running. Wow what a great idea. Running has been a staple in my life the past two years and so I have had some memorable runs over these past few months. I am going to highlight two runs.

First pic- This picture was taken on November 18th at 5:25 am in Managua, Nicaragua. Coburn, Eric, Celeste and I went on a 3.5 mile long run through the back roads near the property.

Second pic- This picture was taken today (January 10th) at 2:44 pm at Shelley Lake in Raleigh. Bailey, Celeste, and I are training for the Tar Heel ten miler that is on April 19th!

Don't let the door hit ya 2024!

So glad to be in a new year. 2024 was better than I prayed for and also one of the hardest years of my life. One of my biggest takeaways from Fellows so far is the “both and”ness of life, I think my feelings on last year are a prime example of that.

I’ve been obsessed with “in and outs” lists lately, I think I’m going to make them quarterly for 2025. Here is my “Ins and Outs for the next 18 weeks (aka through the end of Fellows)” list.

In:

• Listening to God’s thoughts on me over my thoughts on me

• Asking for help

• Getting to know Alumni/ greater Apostles community more.

• Glimmer hunting (this is a term my Attachment prof in college used, basically a gratitude practice but with a fun little name!)

• Emotions

• Assuming best intent

• Solitude as a time to surrender to true self, not to rebuild false self

• Reverend Eric Bolash

Out

• Holding in compliments

• Just watching a movie when fellows hang out

• Over apologizing

• Food allergies at round table.

• Being late (literally no one hold me to this)

• Chris Renzema

This Month’s Motto:

“Love is holy because it is like grace--the worthiness of its object is never really what matters.” - Marilynne Robinson

Raleigh Rookie: Episode 4

Apologies for the late post, but I wanted to share a bit about the time I spent back home in Georgia over the holidays. I had a great time catching up with old friends—spending days at coffee shops, hanging out at a lake house, and celebrating New Year’s Eve together. It was so refreshing to hear how everyone is doing in this next chapter of life. I’m really grateful for those connections, though I do wish I could have stayed longer and shared more of this journey with them.

Afterward, Jacqui flew into Atlanta, and we made the drive back to Raleigh together. It was a blast showing her around the city—visiting local coffee shops, browsing through record stores, and getting lost in some of my favorite bookstores. It felt great to introduce her to my fellow Raleigh Fellows too, and they made the experience even more memorable.

They even threw me a birthday celebration, and it was one of the most special, fun moments I’ve had since being here. I’m thankful for the friendships I’ve made here and for the chance to share those connections with Jacqui. It's been a great start to the year!

-Skip

Late December Blog - Bryan

Howdy travelers! Happy New Year!

I’m more than a little late to the blog game this time around, but hey, new year, new me, am I right? Wow, that’s so many commas. December was a good one, but I’ll write a little about my New Year’s experience and then give some highlights in bullet form.

For New Year’s I drove down to Greenville, SC to spend time with my former roommate Drew and his wife Bailey at a party they were hosting. Fun fact: Drew is high school friends with Josh (we met this summer at his bachelor party) and Bunner (fellows class of 2024). I have pretty much been in fellows mode nonstop since getting here in September, so this was a good opportunity to slow down with older friends and remember that there is life outside of Raleigh. This opportunity was definitely taken advantage of, because right away time slowed down and fellows kind of melted away from the front of my brain. We played pickleball and made pizza as we waited for everyone to arrive, and I realized that my happy place might just be playing pickleball with Drew (we have probably spent days of our lives pickling together). Then, on New Year’s Eve, we spent the whole day cooking (charcuterie and dips, coffee/chocolate trifle, a counter full of nachos, a goose that Josh got off of Farmer Gene’s land, etc.), going to the store multiple times for things we forgot, watching football, playing cornhole, and laughing. This was absolutely a highlight of the whole year. Then, once everyone else left on New Year’s Day, Drew and I went to Walmart and bought $10 fishing rods so that we could go to a totally public fishing spot and not catch a single fish. Those few days were packed, but they felt slow and enjoyable. I really think this helped me to refocus on a wider perspective than just being in fellows, which I believe will help to make fellows an even more valuable experience.

Other highlights:

• Roller derby with Skip, Tessa, and Chris Byron

• I am now 1-1 in Canes games

• Zumba with Chris, Ryan, and Emma

• Secret Santa shenanigans (see Josh and Evy’s blogs)

• seeing my niece Winnie (1 year old in 11 days!!!)

• getting a $130 fishing reel for $50 (I accidentally left it in Greenville… oops)

Anywho, I’m looking forwards to the rest of fellows!

Tootles!

Bryan

Christmas Came Late

Hey guys,

A lot of fun stuff happened in December, but the craziest thing was a shocking betrayal from within the guys.

We did a secret santa within the fellows. In the weeks leading up to the exchange, people were getting “elfed”, and we were doing our best to predict who had who. “Elfing” is little surprise gifts/actions from your secret santa. I thought Ihad it all figured out after a couple people blew their cover. However, Bryan had fabricated a whole cover story to deceive us. He staged elaborate (and thoughtful) elfs to someone he didn’t even have. It set off a chain of incorrect guesses, to the point where I don't think I had a correct single prediction. The guys and I were RATTLED.

Turns out Bryan had me and NOT Evy. I can’t get that mad though because he got me a couple of very nice cigars (Romeo y Julieta 1875, for those who care). Side note on cigars, don’t be like me and accidently buy fake ones at the airport in Nicaragua.

Another side note, Bryan is best friends with my high school friend Drew, who once convinced me we were in the same online class together for an entire semester. I put his name on group projects and peer evaluations... I was RATTLED then, so I guess it makes sense they are friends. (Bryan and I first met at Drew’s bachelor party).

Work:

RDG Commercial has 2 buildings under contract! Both of contracts were “hopefully going to get signed in the next week or two” for about 3 months, but that’s the name of the game haha. I’m not exactly the most crucial gear in the machine, but I learn something new every day. One thing about Commercial Real Estate is we love our fancy terminology. I learn a new buzz word every day. For example, if you are looking to “deploy some capital”, give me a call (jk…unless).

Duck Duck Goose:

Over break, I was able to enjoy spending time with some good friends in the blind. I was pretty unsuccessful on the duck front, but I was able to get the job done with the geese in Madison county. Farmer Gene wanted them gone, and I was able to help. And just like that, my season is over, and I’ve set my sights on the red rum in OBX. I’m counting down the days until Spring!

Until next time,

Josh

Ryan blog December... in January

Im late, and people just like to look at fun pictures anyways. This was December:

New Years is my Super bowl !!

This blog isn’t at the end of December and tbh I’m not even going to talk about December bc YAY its a New Year!! If you know me even a little you'll know that New Years is a BIG deal to me. I love the chance to begin afresh. Who doesn't love a chance to dream of becoming a whole new person the second the ball drops? Who doesn’t love a vision board? But all of that has me reflecting on what it is to grow, and what it is to have spaces where I can grow. 

I’m starting this blog from my childhood home (not my childhood bedroom though bc my brother stole it from me when I moved out) after a week of working my high school and college summer job. And tomorrow morning I head back to the camp where I’ve worked the past three summers. Yet in a lot of ways those spaces don’t feel the same anymore. I’ve spent a lot of time pondering this. Because I’m not one to move on from a space. I like tradition. I like things to work forever. It makes me sad when spaces don’t hold the same emotions they used to. But my cousin put it so clearly tonight as I tried to articulate my mixed emotions about a weekend back at camp. She just said “you’ve outgrown it, that's good”. I struggle to hold the tension of the fact that things can be good for a season. But I can so clearly see it here. I am not the same 16-year-old girl stepping into a nanny job needing to learn her voice and how to stand up for herself. I am not the same 19-year-old girl stepping into a summer at camp at her lowest point, so desperately needing to relearn what it was to have a friend. Those lessons were so needed in those seasons and it was so good and gracious of God to put me there. And its gracious of him yet again to pull me to say goodbye to those seasons and step into the next ones. 

That’s a really really long-winded way of saying that I’m grateful to be in Raleigh. I’m grateful to have outgrown past seasons and spaces and get to step into new ones. And how glad I am to have a community that surrounds me so well as I step with shaky legs into new seasons. So this is really a thank you to each one of you. Thanks for helping create a space that I’m excited to return to, a space that I’m confident I will grow in, a space for my current season. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 are words I have read with frustration for most of my life. But all thanks to God little by little I am learning to trust the wisdom of seasons. 

Prayers for 2025

• That I would learn a little more what it is to be held (my word for the year!) in the arms of a loving father.

• That I would lean into the wisdom of seasons- thanking him for past seasons, being present in my current season, and trusting his kindness for all future seasons.

• JOY in the second half of fellows! 

• The Lord’s faithful guidance and provision in next steps

December Statistics

Christmas Parties: 8

Cries: 8

Glasses of Eggnog: at least 8 (shoutout my dad)

Live nativities: 1

Gingerbread tabernacles: 1

That's what I’ve got for now! Surely His goodness and mercy will follow me!

All my love!

Lola

December Fun Fellows Flicks

HI BLOG!

Okay. I am going to be so honest. I am tired after this month. BUT it’s a good tired, one where I just need a couple of good nights of sleep and a break from socializing. During this holiday season, there were many parties and get-togethers that Fellows were invited to! As much as I love a good Classy Christmas cocktail (s/o the Cominsky’s) or a cider and Christmas story hang (s/o the Bolash’s) I realized that I do need some downtime in my life! Currently I am reading Abba’s Child by Brennan Manning for Fellows and have loved the time to quietly feel loved and known by my Father. Andddd back to what I came to share with y’all! The shared album currently has 1,537 pictures and 176 videos!

<3, AG

LOLA SNEDDON in the house!!! or CAMEL BUTT in the manger!!!

This year Lola was a crucial but hidden role in our live nativity scene. She was the back half of the camel and played the role perfectly! But Lola is so much more than just her role! She is kind, patient, loving, and VERY competitive. Like you would have never guessed that this sweet friend would come after everyone in any game! Thank you for being you Lola!

I admire Elijah McGrath so much!

Elijah is a guy who has had a lot of firsts this year! From his first plane ride, to his first time going to a bar, and his first time going to an Anglican Church! This man had been the king of firsts, and I admire how down he is to trying new things and being open to learning and experiencing things. To the one we can count on to have the best Christmas sweaters and the best onesie, keep being you and never stop trying new things!!!