I can totally get away with staying comfortable in the next 7 months. I can continue to build a space where my routine of activities and behavior limit any sort of risk, stress, and anxiety. To most people that seems ideal - to be content in a space where absolutely everything is NEW.
A steady prayer of mine for months leading up to the beginning of the program was that God provide me with a sense of comfortability about it all. To feel content in where I am at and what I am doing. And though I am in no way undermining the fact that God hears and answers prayer, I am already sensing restlessness in what it is I asked for.
Another prayer of mine is that the Lord continue to mold me into being a bold and confident woman of faith and because I care more about what I think of God, what kind of young woman I am, and how I am contributing to the world, I must sprint from this comfort I find myself in.
I don’t think God cares too much about our comfortability, that we feel settled at all times. Now don’t get me wrong, I believe in comfortability. I love how beautiful familiarity is; it is steady, restful, and delightful, but it is not the environment for growth. And if that’s what I am pursuing, especially enough to do a Fellow’s program instead of moving to NY, LA, or staying in Nashville, I have to honor that. I need to be bothered, irritated, and for lack of better words feel uncomfortable and out of control. I am choosing to allow faithfulness to His Word transform how I step out and press in.
I want to deliberately explore new habits and ways to challenge myself to growth. It could be as simple as not being on social media when I could be reading for homework (...), leaning into uncomfortable conversations with myself, and putting myself even more out there with people within fellow’s, the church, and in Raleigh.
I love that the Lord has shown Himself through my friends here in Raleigh. That He has shown me that He honors my experience here and truly wants to show me enriched community. He has blessed me with THE EASIEST people to love and celebrate. However, I am so thankful He calls me to more; to continue to press in and step out in faith because being uncomfortable is so much better - and more fun.