Hey!
I am happy to report that spring has sprung here in Raleigh, and it is so beautiful! I have never really experienced a true spring, so it has been so fun for me to see all the different kinds of flowers in bloom. For one, I have never seen so many trees that are mostly flowers and not leaves. I am obsessed with the cherry blossoms, and seeing them spring up around town gave me hope for the warmth to come. Also… purple wisteria! So beautiful. A silly moment from my first experience of a real spring was thinking people were planting yellow plastic flowers in their yards. I eventually realized, upon seeing one wilt, that those flowers were in fact real and called daffodils.
Aside from experiencing spring, I feel like I have been experiencing the Lord in such a wonderful way. We had our silent retreat last weekend, and I went into it hoping to hear from the Lord about particular decisions and circumstances regarding my future. My wise and lovely mentor, Terri Shell, suggested that I pray and ask God to speak to me in a way I would recognize. And the Lord, faithful as he is, answered that prayer through the repetition and placement of a particular verse of scripture. The verse might be cliché to some, but it honestly is not one that I have ever given much thought to until recently. A few weeks ago, in search of a verse to use as a breath prayer, I opened my bible to where I had left off in Psalms. I had happened to be at Psalm 46, and so I decided that Psalm 46:10, “Be still, and know that I am God,” would suffice.
In the week leading up to the silent retreat, I had been breathing this verse whenever I was anxious. Upon arrival and after a tour of the grounds of St. Francis Springs, Mary Young casually mentioned the verse in our group time. Then, the next morning, while silent and waiting for brunch to begin, I picked up a book called “The Sacred Enneagram.” This book told me that the best posture for Enneagram Ones in silent contemplative prayer is rest and stillness. After brunch, I began my day of silence by perusing through the journal left in my room for its occupants to sign or leave a note. And not once but twice, someone had written out the verse along with a message to future guests. I felt like I was slapped in the face. I had been praying this verse, but I was not comprehending its meaning for me.
God once again proved that he knows me and cares for me by using the repetition of his word to redirect my heart. Where I went into the weekend hoping that He would make a particular path clear, He just wanted me to draw nearer to Himself. I wanted an answer for my decisions, but God wanted me to rest in him and surrender control. To be still and know that he is God means to believe and trust that, no matter what circumstances I find myself in, he is still sovereign and has a million times more perspective than I do. It's not often that I can pinpoint how God is working in my life, but right now I can feel the adjusting and mending He is doing in my spirit.
We had a member of Apostles, Hunt Davis, speak to us on Friday for professional development. He said something that really stuck with me, “We are to be faithful with the inputs, and trusting with the outcomes.” I don’t really have much else to say other than how thankful I am that we serve a God who wants to be with us, is in charge of every outcome, and has overcome the world.
Be still, and know that I am God.
Be still and know that I am.
Be still and know.
Be still.
Be.
See you next month!
-Jackie