Plot twist, I got a job. And even bigger plot twist, it started already. Crazy right. It’s been great so far and I’m feeling very encouraged. So that’s cool, but it’s not what I want to dive into in this blog. Heck, thinking back on this month feels like a blur. Two retreats, endless hangs, introducing friends to Fellows, show & tell, and so much more.
~~~
Recently, at roundtable, we were given some reading to discuss and a small phrase from it has stuck out to me ever since.
“…the mixed blessing of this life…”
Hm. Weird, right. And yet potent. I cannot stop thinking about it. Especially in light of Eric’s class where we’ve looked into the Sermon on the Mount which begins with the beatitudes.
I’ve always loved the word blessed and often think on it. It’s such an endearing word, knowing that we are blessed.
However, that prescription for the blessing puts a spin on that word for the first time in my life. It’s almost intertwining the blessed and cursed. Like to experiencing blessings we need to be aware of the curses. After all, without the backdrop of the darkness, we wouldn’t be able to see the radiance of the light.
~~~
I often like to hold things tightly because when I think I have control it makes me feel safe or reassured when I may not otherwise. My prayer partner and I were talking over coffee this morning about how we share that. And yet we were both remembering how God has been teaching us that we are in fact not in control of our lives. Often God’s plans are better than the ones we dream up. And, as someone who dreams often, that’s hard to imagine. Looking back, I never would have would have guessed I’d end up in something like Fellows, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I wouldn’t trade anything for these relationships I’ve formed or these experiences of God I never before could have grasped.
I don’t really give compliments as often as I’d like to. I think there’s something about the scarcity of a kind word that makes it more meaningful (I know, probably a bad practice). Regardless, in case I don’t say it enough to my fellow Fellows or my friends or my family or my director; I love you. In different ways and for different reasons, sure. But I do in fact love you. Dearly.
Also, my coffee this morning tasted like sunshine.
So I’ll leave you all with what sticks lately.
Surrender. Palms up. Let go & let God. However you think of it. That is my refrain.