Was this blog post due several days ago…yes. Have my DMs been full of people BEGGING me to post my blog…duh. I owe you all a sincere apology, specifically Ashley Crutchfield. But here I am - better than ever… well, not exactly (hence why you’re reading this so late). Okay fine. The past couple of weeks have been nothing short of painful, confusing, and emotionally challenging. In the midst of that, I’ve cried (a lot), not slept great, had messy conversations with God, and somehow also laughed, felt an overwhelming sense of peace, and won a $65 Costco gift card… so it hasn’t all been bad.
I could go on and on about everything I learned in February, and I don’t want to overlook any of it. But I think it’s important that I highlight some of the personal growth I’ve seen in myself rather than just what I’ve learned in the classroom. That said, we kicked off February with a Career Calling Vocational Retreat - I don’t think I’ve ever taken so many notes in my entire life. It was such an intentional time of understanding how each of us is uniquely wired and created to bless the Lord through our work while leaning into the gifts He’s already given us.
In class, we’ve started our journey through the New Testament, completed some massive projects, and even started a new class focused on the Sermon on the Mount, which I’m really excited about. All of that has been incredible, but the biggest thing I want to focus on is the personal growth I’ve seen in myself recently.
Within the past week, I had to take a step back from a friendship that I thought would last a lifetime. To be honest, it has been so, so, so hard. It feels like the world in my life has kind of zoned out. As I mentioned earlier, I’ve had these messy conversations with the Lord - moments where I didn’t understand why this was happening. For the first time in my life, I’ve been angry with God. It’s been a really challenging season, yet in the middle of all that chaos…I’ve discovered an overwhelming sense of peace.
As I sit here alone with my thoughts, there’s a worship song called Nothing Else by Cody Carnes that has been playing in the background. As I’m listening to the lyrics, he sings:
“I don’t want anything else but Your presence.
I don’t want anything else but Your heart.
I don’t want anything else but You, Jesus.
I’m coming back to the heart of worship.
I’m coming back to what it’s all about—just You, Jesus.
Take all the stuff. I don’t care. I don’t want it.
Just You, Jesus. Nothing else will do.”
I remember sitting alone in my room this time last year and feeling so incredibly alone. On paper, everything looked perfect. I had great friends, I was working my dream internship, and everything on the outside looked polished and professional. On the inside, I was dying.
The Lord has been so gentle, patient, and kind. I remember getting to the point where, for the first time, I said, “I don’t want anything else but You, Jesus. Take all the stuff. I don’t care. I don’t want it.” Now, a year later, I’m sitting alone in my room again. But this time, I’m almost on the verge of tears because I’m so happy with myself. I’m proud of myself, and I can feel the gentleness of the Lord.
I don’t feel alone anymore.
I guess my whole point, as I’ve been rambling all over the place, is pretty simple: This year has changed my life. It’s been hard. I’ve given up a lot. I’ve lost opportunities. I’ve missed out on things. I’ve even lost friends. Yet, I remember an invitation that was given to me before I became a Christian. Someone told me: “Following Christ will cost you.
Following Christ will cost you.
But the reward is His presence.
And honestly?
That’s enough.
See you next month.
Love,
Peyton
