Hey, all its ya boi Tyler,
The beginning of break was spent mostly in a car ride from Raleigh, NC - Tyler, TX - Washington, DC (a 44 hr car ride there and back). I spent the better half of the ride sleeping and listening to some good books. “Greenlights” by Matthew McConaughey, “Abbas Child” by Brennan Manning, and currently, “Emotional Healthy Spirituality” by Peter Scazzero. I really enjoyed the book on greenlights, for it talked a lot about Matthew’s life and how many situations he had to face that were once seen as red lights (problems in one's life) that eventually turned green.
I spent most of Christmas break at my grandparent’s lake house. Catching up on fond memories and cousins I hadn’t seen in 5 years, too fishing in the lake and snagging a 4-pound bass out of the 11 fish. I really enjoyed getting to catch up on sleep and family time; especially the new episodes for STRANGER THINGS S5. In my opinion, it’s one of the all time best shows I've seen in my lifetime. As of now, I'm currently getting over a cold from the change of weather. Going from 80 degrees to 30’s have taken a toll on me.
I've missed my time with the other fellows and work mates, but feel this break was a gift given by God that I needed.
This post is meant to be short. A little on the sweet side but also touching base on the GOOD hard. A hardship that was bound to happen sooner than later. A slap in the face by God's grace. Something that caused me to take the mud off my face and see myself in the way I’ve been treating others. So as you read on “do not”see this as self pity towards me but rather as myself confronting issues that I'm currently facing and recentering myself on a better path.
“Reflections of my past self for the future”
I’ve been taking these past few days to figure out why God brought me to the fellowship.
Was it to finally understand what true accountability was like and how uncomfortable it can be at times, could it be to learn how to tear down the walls I’ve spent years building up to protect myself, only to learn it has been doing more harm to others instead of good, perhaps it’s to learn that I don’t have everything under control. That I need to rely more on God than of my own strength. Maybe even learning to take responsibility for my actions. When one asks you “Why are you here?”, you start to replay the question over and over again in solitary quietness. Listening to God and waiting for a response. A silence that I have been reluctant to truly take. Turning off all the noise in my room, silencing my phone, fasting and allowing myself to hear my thoughts and journal them down.
In a few days we will be taking a mission trip to Nicaragua. My hope while there, is to focus my ears on God's voice more clearly without any distractions of myself, dive deep into what HE’s doing outside of the US and reshape the way my actions can affect others, to slow down to think rather than act quickly.
This year so far has been a year of tearing down to build myself up into the Man God designed me as. It hasn’t been an easy thing to live through and quite frankly at times I want to run from it. But Jesus did not run from hardships or conflict but rather faced it. That all the redlights he happened to be stopped at eventually turned green, it just took time and time it will take for my case. May He surgically remove all that is in me, not simply heal the symptoms of what is not right in my life, but rather what does not belong to Him.
To 2026, I look forward to all the hardships I will have to face. That like Iron, one must heat it through fire in order to purify the imperfections.
