very first day of a very new year!

Back again and here to welcome you into the new year!

I’ll level with you, my blog feels hard to write this month. I’m sitting in my old college bedroom about to bring in a new year with people I love dearly and I’ve written and erased many sentences. My past blogs have been somewhat of a monthly review - sharing things I’m loving and the ways I’ve been settling into Raleigh. And maybe it’s because it’s December 31st and I’m also looking back at my entire year, but this month feels too hard to sum up in a couple paragraphs, it seems too simple. Yes of course December was full of so many sweet and eventful things with the fellows, so for awesome pictures and updates of our first couple weeks of the month go check out my fellow fellows blogs!! And yes, my past week and a half of break has been busy and lovely and I’ve spent tons of time with my favorite people, but I might not share details now. Because right now the only thing I can really bring myself to type about on this blank page is how I see the Lord right now. I feel him right with me, he’s sitting next to me as I struggle to get my words written down and he’s holding my hand as my eyes well up from sitting in this room, my room yet not mine.

If you read my November blog you’ll know I have been feeling the Lord stirring a little something in me and honestly this feeling has only intensified over my December. Fellows has only been wonderful to me, holding me safely and treating me kindly - so this stirring is internal, it’s whispering in the deepest quietest part of my soul, gradually rising and consistently getting clearer. God is trying to show me something, he’s wanting me to notice, he’s asking me to let him in. This - this shifting is exactly why I stepped into this program, I needed some examining (and trust me, fellows is fulllll of examining). I was laying in my old bed last night with one of my best friends who lives in there now trying to describe what is occurring in my heart and my head and my soul and my body. First of all, everyone thank Jenny because although none of my words were making sense, she helped me - not necessarily gain clarity, because I’m not really sure that is the point, but pushed me to lean into this season and really truly let the good potter work.

I know I’m using all of this vague language so you might be lost but that’s how you’re finding me, right smack dab in the middle of it all, swimming around in the beautiful mess. I have this picture of me and Christ. We’re sitting in front of a white board and he’s writing and drawing and I’m sitting right there like two friends on the floor. Even though he has the marker and the eraser, we’re doing it together, we’re creating and dreaming together. I sometimes forget this is who my maker is - a creative father who just wants to dream with me, letting my silly ideas have place and value. This is who I know is doing the whispering in my heart, that’s why I’m so sure this is exactly where I’m meant to be, changing exactly the way I’m meant to be changing. Because I know the heart of the father is to make something new out of the mess, it’s against his character to bring this all up and leave me on my own or not have something unimaginably better on the other side. So I'm looking! I’m watching and waiting, alert for the promised better that comes after the already so good.

I know, I know you might be tired of another emotional blog, but these are the truest words I have right now to describe all of the splendid and raw ways I feel the Lord working right at this very moment. Maybe next month I’ll get back to my recap and highlights, but right now I’m busy doodling and making new with my good close friend Jesus!

2025 was surely good to me, I have many hopes for 2026, see ya there!

with love, Reagan.

“Come touch my hands, come touch my side. I’ll show you where they laid me, you’ll see the grave is empty. Cause’ I’m jealous, I’m jealous for you, my heart it burns for you. I came, I died, I gave my life. Cause my heart it burns for you.” 

Lyrics from an Upperroom song that describe how I’m encountering the Lord right now. His heart is aflame for his children, his grave is empty, his hands hold the proof of his goodness! 

beverly's december!

Hello blog, 

Happy new year from (your favorite fellow) Bevi! 

This month I’m a little less clear on what to write about but I’ll figure something out and it might be random. One of the highlights of my month was doing secret Santa with the fellows and “elfing” each other — I LOVE giving and receiving gifts and it was just a silly & fun thing to do as a group. I had the honor of being Ashley’s secret Santa for 17 days and I had so much fun spoiling her with treats, custom Taylor Swift playlists, and lots of little notes. Shoutout Maddie Grace who had me and did such a good job! Also had a lot of fun going to Christmas parties, taking silly Christmas photos with the fellows, and having a girls coloring night.

A crazy part of the month was having work (at a school) canceled for a “snow day” on a clear & sunny 50 degree day. (sorry I am annoying girl from chicago). I mention it because it was a huge blessing; I got to randomly spend the afternoon with my college friend Kendall! 

Speaking of college friends - I miss them! And I’ve been missing the rhythm of having a luxurious college winter break. As fellows we are in a season of life where we are new to being adults and new to having 10 fellows friends in addition to college friends. There are a lot of things that are new this year as our first year out of school. I’m noticing this and learning to have grace with it. I’m also just generally learning a lot from content we’ve been reading.

What I’ve been reading:

• Apostles advent devotional (thank you Elaina and Taylor for letting me steal). Enjoyed this & enjoyed our lectio divina during class on Mary & Joseph’s journey to Bethlehem.

• My family’s “advent book” that we would read as kids throughout advent - brought and shared with host family which was sweet

• “Silence” in Blue Book by Jim Branch - really good!

• Silence, Solitude, and Prayer by Henri Nouwen - really good! I wrote in my journal from this book that the goal of silence is to “neutralize the evil effects of externalism and to make us acquainted with God and our own souls.”

• Abba’s Child - really good! learning to “let go of the impostor lifestyle and freely accept our belovedness as a child of the heavenly Father.”

• Theo of Golden, of course

I might be missing a ton of things but hope you enjoyed! Heading soon to Nicaragua for our service trip!

Blog, The Fourth

Unlike my blogs so far, this one has had no prior thought or initial writings from days beforehand. My December included a lot and honesty I’m struggling to remember all that occurred before our break and with that has come the temptation to only write about my break.

So, without further ado, here’s my break:

My break began with a Saturday family gathering in Greensboro followed by a car ride back with my beloved Arsenal scraping out yet another win.

Sunday began 25 hours in the upstate of South Carolina including…

o   An afternoon/evening with great food, wine, and company (shoutout Lukas, Ian, Sophie, & co)

o   A day with Drew full of breakfast at corner bagel, last minute Christmas shopping, his wife Sydney’s delicious & healthy lunch for us, and watching some afternoon footy

o   Traffic adding an hour to my drive because I can’t have both of treks be timely

Tuesday morning I went back to a coffee shop I used to work at before Therapy and yet another afternoon of Arsenal winning their game. That evening, my family and I played some card games including a new favorite of mine called Flip 7.

We did our Christmas morning on Christmas Eve so that my brother and his wife could get to Winston Salem at a reasonable time for her niece and nephew. I received a long awaited spike ball net, a pair of shoes, a few books, and some great coffees. Since I’m finishing this up the evening I’m publishing it, I don’t have my customary cup of joe to describe for you. I know, sad. Well, one of the coffees I got for Christmas has become a joyful addition to my mornings home with its pronounced note of watermelon bubble gum. I also went to both an 11am and 11pm Christmas Eve service.

Christmas day I saw Marty Supreme and even now I am still waiting for A24 to drop the merch. Watch it happen while we’re in Nicaragua and then sell out.

I don’t remember anything from the 26th and the 27th was full of so much footy, including an Arsenal win. Sunday the 28th was a full day spent my early afternoon at Carsyn and Simas’s engagement party (YAY) before leaving to work a coffee cart at a wedding in Youngsville which was a fun experience with great tips.

I fail to remember much from the 29th (maybe looking at my often empty calendar isn’t my best method), but the 30th consisted of a resounding Arsenal win against an Aston Villa side which are quite unlikeable. That made putting them in their place all the more fun. Oh, wait, I remember more now. After the wedding I had some steaks and a beer with some friends for Ryan’s birthday. I then proceeded to see many of the same people the night of the 29th for a game night which consisted of more Flip 7. The morning of the 30th I went to four different stores before finding a copy of my own to help entertain us in the airport on our trip. I then hung out with more of the same people for new years eve where we rang in the new year with more Flip 7 (I’m seeing a theme), other games, a fire, and a hymn right before the bell tolled.

Well, that brings us up to last night. Today I grabbed a couple donuts to enjoy while I sipped my coffee and cried my eyes out (only kinda) at the Stranger Things finale. I then played some touch football with some people from Apostles before going home to a successful hatewatch of Man City. I then crushed some pizza, listened to the same playlist I’ve been loving (& creating) all break before finishing this. So, where does that leave me? Grateful and full for a very Christmasy Christmas. Lastly, I wanna shout out my secret santa (Reagan Kidd) because she killed it.

Fin.  

Jacob W. Currin

To all my Redlights that will eventually turn Green

Hey, all its ya boi Tyler,

The beginning of break was spent mostly in a car ride from Raleigh, NC - Tyler, TX - Washington, DC (a 44 hr car ride there and back). I spent the better half of the ride sleeping and listening to some good books. “Greenlights” by Matthew McConaughey, “Abbas Child” by Brennan Manning, and currently, “Emotional Healthy Spirituality” by Peter Scazzero. I really enjoyed the book on greenlights, for it talked a lot about Matthew’s life and how many situations he had to face that were once seen as red lights (problems in one's life) that eventually turned green.

I spent most of Christmas break at my grandparent’s lake house. Catching up on fond memories and cousins I hadn’t seen in 5 years, too fishing in the lake and snagging a 4-pound bass out of the 11 fish. I really enjoyed getting to catch up on sleep and family time; especially the new episodes for STRANGER THINGS S5. In my opinion, it’s one of the all time best shows I've seen in my lifetime. As of now, I'm currently getting over a cold from the change of weather. Going from 80 degrees to 30’s have taken a toll on me. 

I've missed my time with the other fellows and work mates, but feel this break was a gift given by God that I needed. 

This post is meant to be short. A little on the sweet side but also touching base on the GOOD hard. A hardship that was bound to happen sooner than later. A slap in the face by God's grace. Something that caused me to take the mud off my face and see myself in the way I’ve been treating others. So as you read on “do not”see this as self pity towards me but rather as myself confronting issues that I'm currently facing and recentering myself on a better path.

“Reflections of my past self for the future”

I’ve been taking these past few days to figure out why God brought me to the fellowship.

Was it to finally understand what true accountability was like and how uncomfortable it can be at times, could it be to learn how to tear down the walls I’ve spent years building up to protect myself, only to learn it has been doing more harm to others instead of good, perhaps it’s to learn that I don’t have everything under control. That I need to rely more on God than of my own strength. Maybe even learning to take responsibility for my actions. When one asks you “Why are you here?”, you start to replay the question over and over again in solitary quietness. Listening to God and waiting for a response. A silence that I have been reluctant to truly take. Turning off all the noise in my room, silencing my phone, fasting and allowing myself to hear my thoughts and journal them down.

In a few days we will be taking a mission trip to Nicaragua. My hope while there, is to focus my ears on God's voice more clearly without any distractions of myself, dive deep into what HE’s doing outside of the US and reshape the way my actions can affect others, to slow down to think rather than act quickly.  

This year so far has been a year of tearing down to build myself up into the Man God designed me as. It hasn’t been an easy thing to live through and quite frankly at times I want to run from it. But Jesus did not run from hardships or conflict but rather faced it. That all the redlights he happened to be stopped at eventually turned green, it just took time and time it will take for my case. May He surgically remove all that is in me, not simply heal the symptoms of what is not right in my life, but rather what does not belong to Him. 

To 2026, I look forward to all the hardships I will have to face. That like Iron, one must heat it through fire in order to purify the imperfections.

Where There's a Will #4

I come before the Lord with Joy

for I was once navigating through the fog

His unwavering love has brought me to the light

A familiar friendship waiting for me

for I was once navigating through the fog

I will give thanks to the good Father

A familiar friendship waiting for me

I must share the grace of the Lord

I will give thanks to the good father

His unwavering love has brought me to the light

I must share the grace of the Lord

I came before the Lord with Joy

Above is a Psalm of Thanksgiving that I wrote for our final project in our Bible class. It was a good reminder that I need to give thanks to the Lord for everything! December had plenty of things to be thankful for and being able to reflect on them and the first semester of Fellows made this assignment that much easier!

Here are a couple things that happened in December: Holiday Fellows pictures at Strawbridge Studios, Saw the trolls in Dorothea Dix park, a multitude of holiday parties, family dinners with host fam and real fam at our homeland Torero’s, a couple trips to Chapel Hill, tour of the Angus Barn, Elfing each other/Secret Santa, final class projects and presentations, a wonderful dinner at Margaux’s, party bus after the YAM Christmas party, Marty Supreme, Christmas!, Stranger Things, and of course the John Wall Holiday tournament.

I can’t believe that 2025 is coming to an end but at the same time I can’t wait for what 2026 has in store!

Fellows + Santa

Trolls + MM

Fellowsgiving

Angus Barn

LITMAS

Coach Cal!

hailey just wrapped it up

Oh hi blog. I give you my personal wrapped and a group wrapped from my POV.

December is weird (not bad) and different than the other months. Generally speaking that’s how it always has been for me and I know a lot of people feel similarly. I don’t have much words to touch on that, hints why I put all of the things in the format below, but I’ve been feeling that weirdness this month in all transparency. In Raleigh and at home! As of right now, i’m missing the heat, swimming in rivers and lakes, fishing, ice cream in the summertime, Apostles (I don’t have a home Church in my hometown, so it’s been funky in that realm this break) and other things. And also as of right now, I’m enjoying walks in the cold, coziness of my bed, target runs with my mom, my cat betty, a sweatpants and sweatshirt moment, seeing some friends, having some hot coffees and other things.

There’s a lot missing not mentioned but here are some of the bits and pieces.

The fellows are reading Abba’s Child this break and I just read this tonight. Sendoff prayer to you my blog readers from Fredrick Buechner! “Turn around and believe that the good news that we are loved is better than we ever dared hope, and that to believe in that good news, to live out of it and toward it, to be in love with that good news, is of all glad things in this world the gladdess thing of all. Amen, and come Lord Jesus.” Behold what love can do, He is making all things new right in front of our eyes. I’m alllll good.

The light at the end of the tunnel

Hi! MG here again (so you don't have to scroll to the bottom and see whose entry this is)!

I can't believe December is almost over! This month has been a little scary, given the fact that we are undeniably through the first semester of fellows. As quickly as time has flown, I can't believe how much has happened in these past few months and how much I have changed.

At the same time, I'm starting to feel the effects of the things that have been pushed aside for now to make space for fellows. I've been missing my creative outlets, something I didn't notice until Christmas rolled around and I didn't have the space, capacity, or time to do the crafting or creating I typically enjoy. While it's been hard to feel like my time is limited for random things like this, it also has been giving me hope for my life post fellows. As the light at the end of the tunnel becomes more and more real, I've been delighted to find many things that I'm looking forward to incoporating and reintroducing into my life. Even things like cooking and traveling, which are not typically that important or vital for me, have become things I am excited to do again after the program.

Luckily, I'm a HUGE fan of “seasons”, both in nature and in life, and this year especially has allowed me to lean into the blessings and challenges of different seasons. There's something so hopeful in this finite season of fellows, something sweet knowing that these things are only for a short time.

I recently received two books for seasonal prayers. One from Ashley called “Circles of Grace”, a book of blessings for the seasons (instead of To Bless The Space Between Us, as I already had it and love it). The other is one I saw at Mary Young's house and asked for for Christmas, called "The Celtic Wheel of the Year”, Celtic and Christian seasonal prayers. I love all things liturgy and seasons, and I'm so excited to continue to dive into these books and allow them to guide me through all that is to come in 2026.

Here is a quote from Circles of Grace, part of a prayer called "Blessing the Way":

With every step you take, this blessing rises up to meet you. It has been waiting long ages for you. Look close and you can see the layers of it, how it has been fashioned by those who walked this road before you, how it has been created of nothing but their determination and their dreaming… Look closer and you will see this blessing is not finished, that you are part of the path it is preparing, that you are how this blessing means to be a voice within the wilderness and a welcome for the way.

So long story short I'm acknowledging all the things that don't have a place in my life this year, but will be blessings in future seasons, as well as embracing the blessings of this fellows year, which is not finished yet. It sounds so vague but it's so helpful for realigning my priorities while I'm in fellows. The people I'm learning from, the books I'm reading, and community I'm spending so much time with, are actively changing me and preparing my heart for all the blessings of the next season. But that season isn't here yet, and honestly thank God. I have too many sweet things to soak up until then!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Love, Maddie Grace

What I'm learning

I’m coming in EARLY this month in light of my past due posts. I’m not going to do the typical this month had blank happen, instead I am typing out a journal entry from break that I have been stewing on. Some of it is inspired by Nick’s mini sermon at the Christmas Eve service, which I wish had been recorded. Alas, here’s my journal:

I cling to being known by my Creator. More known than anyone ever could. Even more so understood. I think this is what I am learning— God understands literally every bit of the human experience. He knows this from creating us and further so by becoming man (Jesus). God became man to save. To understand. To emphasize. To weep with. To listen to. To fully get. If God fully embraced the hard parts of being human— why am I so busy fighting? Fighting others, myself, the world. Jesus fought for me through love, truth, grace and mercy, not with fists and fear. He became what we are and felt pain, heartbreak and loneliness. Often I feel distant from God in those feelings and forget that He’s felt it. I don’t have to “fight” it. I don’t have to just push it away because “God is good.” Like yes God is good. He’s bigger than everything, but he’s also equally human. And I can relate to Him. He embraces me as His own child. I belong to Him. He’s not as far away as I sometimes believe. He’s mysterious in the ways that He works but not in the way that He loves. It’s freeing to accept this love and be changed by it.

This feels so simple and maybe “duh Carsyn” but I do believe it changes everything. It should change how we view ourselves and others in the world. How different would our world be if people fought in the way God fought for us? Through love, truth, grace and mercy? If we saw every human as an image bearer of God who deserves dignity and respect? If justice were at the forefront of our minds and we sought to hear and understand people’s stories? God did whatever it took to know us. What if we did the same for His beloved?

So yeah that's what I’ve been thinking. Thanks for reading my mind this month. If you have thoughts, questions or concerns— sound off in the comments or text/call me.

Until next time,

Carsyn Gilmore

P.S. !!!!! (Updated 12/28/25)

SIMAS AND I ARE ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s all :)

Get Elfed!

Yes, it’s technically the day after Christmas. In my head, Christmas lasts at least another week…sooooo yeah. Merry Christmas!!

This month has been FILLED with what could easily be mistaken for chaos. Deadlines piled up, classes wrapped, work was crazy, and right in the middle of it all - Christmas shopping. Every year I tell myself I’ll start a couple months early. After all, Christmas conveniently lands on the same day every single year. It shouldn’t be a surprise. And yet, here I am, praying packages arrive on time or bracing myself for the madness of Crabtree Valley Mall.

I take a lot of pride in my gift-giving abilities. I love being intentional and choosing gifts that feel meaningful to the person receiving them. And this year? I think I nailed my favorite one.

A few weeks ago, I was visiting my family in Goldsboro when I overheard Mima complaining about having to throw away her pizza pan - it had warped over time and she was not happy about it. Immediately, I knew this was my moment. I went straight to Belk to buy a brand-new pan, then hopped on Etsy and designed a custom pizza board with Mima and Pops’ names and their wedding date on it. They’ve always loved making pizza together, so it felt like the perfect fit.

I’m rambling at this point, but long story short - it was a really good gift, and it made them really happy.

Spending time away from Raleigh has truly been a gift from the Lord - something I really needed. That said, I do miss the Fellows. Leading up to this extended break, we had such a fun December together. My personal favorite was our final roundtable of the semester. Roundtable is already one of my favorite parts of Fellows, but this one was extra special because we all wore Christmas pajamas.

Ashley’s house was so cozy, and I felt incredibly loved, surrounded by a community that has become such a huge part of my life. “Elfing” Carsyn was also an absolute highlight.

Some other moments from this month:

• Cam graduating from Wake Tech and preparing for NC State (Go Pack 🐺)

• It snowing in Raleigh

• Lots of hockey

• A coffee (date…?)

• Cocktail Party

• Watching Pastor Nick throw arguably the best house party I’ve ever been to

• Touring the Angus Barn (10/10 recommend)

• Sitting on my back porch while Mima walked out with a cup of coffee she made for me during my quiet time

• Dressing up as Santa Claus on Christmas Day

• Watching Jared Goff give a despicable performance on Christmas Day - which was especially devastating considering he’s my fantasy football quarterback. Two points. TWO. In the championship game. Thanks, Jared.

• Posting a recap on Instagram with no real intention - only to realize how overwhelmingly blessed I am and how deeply this year has changed my life

If you made it this far, thank you. And if you didn’t - I totally understand, no hard feelings. But as usual, I’ll leave you on the edge of your seat…

Because in about seven days, ya boy is catching his first-ever flight to… ✈️

If I survive, well…I’ll see you all in 2026!

Blog blog blog blog

Welcome back for another month! This one moved so fast, yet at snail's pace somehow… looking back at the things that have happened this month makes it feel soooo long ago. But I also feel like I just uploaded my last blog post yesterday. Maybe it’s because I’m always late with these, or time is just funny like that. Or both!

There are a lot of things I really enjoyed this month. There are also a lot of things that I found hard and challenging.

Something I enjoyed: The DC trip! It was special and silly and further informed me on the group that we have. Getting to see how we all “traveled” together was so much fun and the goofy moments and inside jokes that were born out of that trip. I also got to see so many friends who are in other programs and that was such a gift! I love seeing paths cross and friends of friends meeting friends and looking into each other’s worlds. Someone used the analogy of it feeling like each program is in an alternate universe to ours, where they’re living the same “life as a fellow” as us, but just in a different city/program. Ours is obviously the best thought— that was confirmed by DC. There’s no other place I’d rather be than Raleigh!

The hard things are harder to share in a blog. Thanksgiving break was restful in the sense of getting a lot of sleep, but not necessarily soul restful. I got to meet with my mentor Tuesday morning after the break, which was truly a God sent! I get to share a lot of the hard with Katie and I am so thankful for that. To sum up some of my feelings without being too vulnerable, life just keeps on going even in this program. That is so obvious, especially as I just typed it out, but hard to reckon with sometimes. Sometimes it feels like a bubble of “fellows world” and “fellows things” and it almost feels like we’re in this pause of life before real adulthood. But things are still moving. Going home felt like me stepping out of that for a bit and coming back to some of the realities that are true for me and my life— still while being a fellow. Things with my family, big life changes coming up, what’s next… these things don’t stop for anything. Something Katie said to me in our time together really shaped how I’m viewing God in all of this. She said that instead of asking God for answers and feeling like you’re not getting anything, look for the mystery in God Himself. To ask God “What am I not seeing that you want me to see?” “How do you want me to feel your love today, in this moment?”

I don’t know if any of this made sense at all, but if you want to hear more, you can ask me about it! Bottom line: God is mysterious. I don’t always know what He is doing in my life. All I know is that He’s always doing something. And life keeps moving and that’s okay. He is my redeemer!!!!!

Until next time,

Carsyn Gilmore

Morgan's November

I think I may be the last post for the month, so sorry everyone! November has been jam packed and that busyness has carried right into December. We kicked off the month celebrating Ashley at the best birthday party I’ve ever been to. The next week we headed to DC for the TFI Conference, and I loved scooting around the city with all the fellows and exploring the National Mall. It was such a good time for us as a group and brought us closer in so many ways.

We also had our first Fellows Field Day, and I am already looking forward to the next one. Thanksgiving break at home was amazing. I got to see the kids I used to nanny and I missed them so much. I also had the best family time and even got to hang out with Janie (fellow alum cousin) in Raleigh.

I am sorry this was short, there will be a much more detailed December post coming your way soon. Thank you all for your patience. I love these people and I love this program. See you on time next month I promise.

Morgan

Better late than never!

I’ve always heard that the best things in life take time. This blog post is no exception. Sure, you probably haven’t slept in days waiting for this highly anticipated update on my life. I totally get it, and from the bottom of my heart, I sincerely apologize. Let’s just agree to pretend this blog wasn’t due five days ago and move on, shall we? There’s a LOT to chat about.

If I had my life together, you’d be reading this on December 1, 2025 (happy birthday, Cam Cameron!). I may have missed this deadline, but you’re just now realizing you missed Cameron’s birthday - sooooo who should really feel bad? Anyway, November FLEW by, and through the whirlwind of balancing class, hockey, my day job, and simply trying to be a better friend to my fellow Fellows…I am exhausted. Oh, where do I even begin?

HIGHLIGHTS

• Fellows took on DC! Renting scooters and realizing I was basically born to live in the city might have been the peak of that trip. Also, randomly bumping into my friend (who I thought still lived in Wisconsin) felt like a fever dream - in the best way possible.

• UniteUS came to NC State!! You may be wondering, “What the heck is that?” Great question. It’s a Christian college campus revival movement led by Tonya Prewett, focused on bringing hope and faith to Gen Z through large worship events, salvation, and baptism (thanks, Chat). Truly an unforgettable experience that I had the privilege of sharing with a few of my closest friends.

• Spoiler alert: I’m pretty much an NHL cheerleader. Perks include free hockey and getting to be part of some pretty cool events, like the Raleigh Christmas Parade. Many high fives were given that day.

• Thanksgiving! Truly one of my favorite holidays. And besides my grandpa almost driving the car entirely through our house, it was pretty normal and filled with love…kind of like our living room was almost filled with a 2017 Toyota Corolla. Feel free to ask me about that.

• My first fundraising campaign at NeighborHealth was a success! Considering the fact that I was basically leading this campaign through our social media and donor communication, I honestly wouldn’t have been shocked if we raised a whopping zero dollars. However, the Lord is good, and we met our goal of raising over $10,000 - which genuinely blows my mind as I type this. Praise God!

There’s certainly a lot to be thankful for. Even though I haven’t been in the best headspace recently, as I sit here staring at the screen and scrolling through my photo album to remember what even happened this month, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for what the Lord has given me. At the end of the day, I have a really good job, a lot of truly incredible people love me, and I wake up healthy (minus my addiction to caffeine). The Lord is good.

Soooooo…um…yeah. That’s all folks!

With love,
Peyton

When Distance Teaches Graditude

This past month has been both challenging and deeply refining. God has brought to the surface things I believed I had already resolved, gently reminding me of where I still need growth. One of those areas has been accountability—truly walking alongside my brothers in Christ. Our trip to D.C. played a significant role in shaping our group this year. From late-night conversations to meaningful talks on long car rides, I’ve been reminded of how richly blessed I am. I thank God daily for continuing to place men like these in my life.

Father God, Your grace shines on me even when I fail to see it. Thank You for these friends, and for my mentor Eric, who help keep me grounded and focused.

God hasn’t only given me them—He’s brought unexpected people into my life as well. Living with certain personal challenges can be difficult, but knowing I have brothers in Christ who help shoulder the burden has brought comfort on the days when the weight feels the heaviest. I can see now that God has been walking with me all along, revealing the path He’s prepared. Even when my own steps seem crooked, His direction remains steady and true.

Recently God placed an analogy on my heart: each of us carries our own cross—our own struggles, our own nails. Some nails barely pierce the wood, while others are driven deep. I heard a sermon last weekend about bearing one another’s burdens, and it reminded me that though my cross is mine to carry, a brother’s support can lighten the load.

Thanksgiving became a blessing in disguise. I never realized what it would feel like to be away from home for so long. My college was only an hour and a half away, but five hours is different—you can’t go home even if you want to. This new challenge forced me to face my situation on my own. I learned that home isn’t merely where community is—it’s where the adventure begins. I had to set out and find a new community, a new place to grow, one that might someday feel like home.

Going back for break refreshed me more than I expected. I missed my family, and especially my dogs. I hadn’t seen one of my brothers in over five months—the longest ever—and catching up with him was a gift. And my dogs… Zoey and Scribbles, I missed you both. Three months may not sound long, but to them it felt like forever. Scribbles, you’re aging, and I don’t know if you’ll make it to next Christmas. Climbing stairs is hard, getting up is harder. I pray this wasn’t our last time together. I love you.

Now, riding the train back to Raleigh, I reflect on everything we did this week—seeing Noah at Sight & Sound, taking on the Level99 challenges at Tyson’s Corner, and watching all of Stranger Things Season 5 (which was incredible). It was also my birthday week, making it even more special. Thank you to the guys who took me to my favorite place, Olive Garden—true John 15 friendship.

As I look back, I thank God for the precious time spent with the people I love. And as I look forward, I ask for His continued guidance in the journey ahead.

An Advent Reflection

Second Coming

Foggy in the morning: 

my eyes and the street

are engulfed by darkness that

is surely set to break

by beams fighting their way

through the horizon.

Dawn appears

and hope peeks through,

but the chill of winter

stays all day long, 

as the sun threatens to set

too soon.

Gone again,

I anticipate 

its return,

but first 

I must 

wait.

Jackie Davis

Where There's a Will #3

If you were to ask me what I did in November, I would say, “What didn’t I do in November?” November was my favorite and most busy month of Fellows yet! This month was jam packed with events so I feel like the best way to do this would be with a list.

November Events:

• Ashley’s Birthday Party

  • Touched on this a little bit in my October blog but it needed to be talked about again! This was such a sweet night, a combination of my new Raleigh friends and Fellows + a group of my college buddies coming together to celebrate Ashley was special and shows just how impactful she is in so many peoples lives!

• DC Trip to the TFI National Fellows Conference

  • My favorite part of Fellows so far!

  • Went to the Holocaust Memorial Museum. This was super heavy but was a really cool experience getting to walk around this museum and take in such a meaningful part of history.

  • Got to meet up with my App State friends Robin and Jacob (Knoxville Fellow) and get dinner with them.

  • Went to the Bible museum and got to go through their really cool exhibits of the Old and New Testament (emphasis on Old Testament).

  • The conference itself was awesome, getting to meet different programs and hear from different speakers through breakout groups and keynote speeches!

  • Having the coolest shirts at the whole conference.

  • Big group van rides and watching Ashley parallel park

  • Rooftop bars and hotel conference room hangs with the Orlando Fellows.

  • The main event: Scootering around the monuments and the city with all the Fellows. It was like something out of a movie, this shattered every expectation I ever had for it. Seeing Lincoln in person had me in awe.

• UNC Basketball Game

  • Because of my awesome host family, the Warwicks, I was able to go see UNC basketball play against Radford!

  • UNC basketball is my first love, so getting up to Chapel Hill to see a game is always special to me

  • Jacob (Raleigh Fellow) also got to come and we had a blast.

• Knoxville Trip

  • I went to Knoxville to visit my best friend from college, Jacob (Knoxville Fellow) with another one of our good buddies, Micah.

  • We went to a Tennessee game and saw Joey Aguilar dominate New Mexico St

  • Ate some really good food and visited a really cool little thrift/vintage store

  • It is always a good time when I am with those guys

• Fellows Field Day

  • Not having Neighbor to Neighbor means Spikeball and Football games in the park!

• Thanksgiving

  • Got to spend a couple days at home celebrating Thanksgiving with my grandparents

  • Watched a lot of TV and had a wonderful time with my parents and brother

• Birthday Celebrations!

  • Wrapped the month up with some more birthday celebrations!

  • Went to a soup soiree for my good friend Molly’s birthday

  • Then we got to have a belated birthday celebration for our king Tyler’s birthday. We spent a splendid night out at our local fine dining experience, Olive Garden

I am so blessed to be able to pack all of these awesome events into a single month and I can’t wait to see what December has in store! I can’t believe that we are 1/3 of the way done with Fellows and only one month from 2026. Thanks for reading, don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe!

-Will Brown

Fellows at Ashley's 50th

Raleigh Fellows Shirts

Scootering around DC

Lincoln Memorial

UNC Basketball w the Warwicks

Tennessee Game with Jacob and Micah

Torchy's Tacos

Field Day

Birthday Dab

hailey is full (up for interpretation or whatever)

Best way to describe the way my life and brain feel after this month would be Christmas day, but immediately after tearing open all of the presents. The wrapping paper is everywhere, there’s empty coffee mugs where everyone was sitting, and the front door is open while the parents are watching their kids have the time of their lives with their new toys. The past month feels lived in, joyful and a mess. The Lord has just been showing me reminders of him left, right, up, down and every other direction you can possibly think of and it’s the most pleasant thing to be a receiver of those reminders. I’ll bold those along the way!!

The month started off with Ashley’s birthday party! Gatherings like that don’t just happen for birthdays. So many people who have impacted Ashley and been impacted by her flowed in and out of her driveway just to share the common adoration of who she has been made to be! I hope to have a wedding celebration type 50th birthday party just like her. Also made her a birthday cake, it looked ratchet and was asked “why is it melting?” by Will Brown.

One of my college friends is going to grad school and working for a congressman in D.C., so when the fellows went to D.C. for the National Conference, I got to see her. She is one on the 8 good friends of mine, not connected to fellows and that don’t live in North Carolina (well one does), that the Lord gave me good time with just in November. IN AWE of how many people that is after I was just craving those relationships since being here. Avery, Bekah, Madison, Walker, Bailey, Emmi, Jacob, and Alison. Good stuff.

Went to my first Canes game, explored new parts of Raleigh, had a dayyy in Chaple Hill it was so dreamy, lots of walks, lots of coffee, got Christmas sheets and had sleepovers. Life here is so full. The thrill of being somewhere new has settled and contentment has come in and I am a huge fan of that.

I got a summer job! After fellows I’ll be going back to Wilderness Ranch, the Younglife camp I’ve been a backpacking guide at the past few summers, and I’ll be stepping into a new role of Guide Team Leader. Ask me more about this if you want but in the coming months, I’ll be figuring out how to manage my time and give some of it to Wilderness as we prep for the summer! I’m feeling very hugged and surrounded by the Lord in this area of my life right now.

Got to go home for Thanksgiving and be with my family! I love my family, their hugs and seeing my cat, Betty. I’m super thankful I have people who love me so much and who love watching me and supporting me in all of the things.

Kevin Jonas came out with his first very own single. And A Very Jonas Christmas Movie came out. Soooo important to me.

If you’re thinking, wow she had the best month ever she has not complained once! Life here is just like life anywhere else. I’m struggling with comparison, overly exerting myself as an introvert, overbooking and having to cancel and reschedule with people, the gym doesn’t easily fit into my schedule and it bothers me, I’m waking up later than I’d like to, I’m feeling like I am not doing too well on getting to know every single person in our group intentionally, I get bothered by things easier than I’d like to, and now this is a run on sentence. But all of this to say that if I don’t sit back and be with the Lord every single day and intentionally remember, I’ll think I can do all of this on my own . If I was able to do this all on my own the only thing highlighted above would’ve been Kevin Jonas’ single. The Lord deals with me sweetly.

Top 5 songs of November (screaming along to these in my car was the reality of these songs)

1.     Made You Look- Meghan Trainor (super important)

2.     Boys Like You- Who Is Fancy, Meghan Trainor, Ariana Grande (forgot how good)

3.     Buy Me Presents- Sabrina Carpenter (way too good)

4.     Saddle Again- Role Model (yeah)

5.     Blood On The Page- Mumford & Sons (nothing on this list is original but I’m ok with it)

See ya in January, blog!- Hailey Cook

3/9! That's sick and twisted

Hello, hello!

I can’t believe we are a third of the way through this year - like I said, sick and twisted! Wow, was November full, where to even start. This month held a lot of good but of course as we settle into this year, this month naturally has been stretching. Yep, stretching, I think that’s a good way to describe it. This month, like physically stretching has hurt a little bit, it’s been somewhat uncomfortable, and I feel a little bit out of practice, but with time and with some leaning in, growth will come.

I know you’re all wondering what I might be talking about so I’ll let you behind the curtain of my November. We started this month off with a bang! at Ashley’s birthday party (which I’m sure you will get to read a lot about in all the blogs) and it was so awesome. Not only did we get to celebrate our shining star of a director but it also allowed us to get a peak into the extensive community that Ashley and Sam have cultivated in Raleigh. It honestly gets me excited for a future of digging roots and making it a mission to bring people together as the dance party in their front lawn so obviously did. Soon after, we headed up to DC packed into a 15 passenger van with plenty of snacks and high spirits for the fellows initiative conference! I LOVED THAT TRIP. It was so special to meet people from other programs, get to hear about what they are loving, and watch my Raleigh friends reconnect with their family and friends from all over. The fellows have basically been friends since the first week, but there’s some type of magic that happens in a crowded van and late nights at a hotel - you can’t help but start to love each other a little more. Since we’ve been back from the conference, I’ve spent my weeks having cozy movie nights, a most perfect field day, dinners with Kathryn (mentor), bowling with my eighth grade girls, celebrating each other’s wins, loving my job, and spending time with my family over break. I’ve been feeling grateful for all of these people and opportunities that I don’t deserve yet so kindly have been given. 

With all of these wonderful things, comes growing pains. In the months leading up to this program, I prayed that these nine months would wreck me a little bit - in a break where I have settled and disrupt the plans of my limited mind type of way. It’s so funny when we ask the Lord for things and then are surprised when he answers us. So here I am, getting a little bit wrecked and feeling a little bit broken. I’m wrestling with purpose, sitting in the confusion of work and my faith and straining for clarity. I’ve let fear and doubt and limits blur where I’m being met right now in the right here. I feel my soul, my deepest insecurities and desires being teased out, but the good news is I know He who is doing the work. He shows me again and again that he has no boundaries, no walls, no limitations. His love, his heart, his mercy moves and flows without barrier. So I'll hold on! I’ll trust that my broken tiny view of his big wonderful plan will always fall short of what he has for his kingdom and his children. I'm being stretched, I’m feeling pulled and I’m learning that the mess and the pieces all over the ground might be right where the Lord is pressing his finger, asking me to pay attention. 

What I’m loving as we leave November 

• Exclamation points!!! You might have picked up on this but I love !!! how else can I show you how I’m feeling (I know this is controversial)

• A decorated christmas tree, full of childhood ornaments

• Riding with my dad over break with the top of his convertible down 

• Laughing and joking and being silly with the fellows!

• My room newly filled with christmas decorations 

• Fresh air

• Kathryn, love that girl!

Okay goodbye! Happy advent, rejoice! 

With love, Reagan

MG's Never Ending November

Maddie Grace here! I’m back again this month with very few profound things to say but a full heart!

Okay, it hasn’t actually been a never-ending November, but as I reflected on this month and read Jacob and Bevi’s blogs, I realized how much has been packed into 4 weeks! We kicked off the month with Ashley’s birthday party, took a trip to DC for the fellows conference, spent some weekends meandering around Raleigh, and had our thanksgiving break! Not sure how we did all that, but it was a blast!

It’s hard to believe we’re almost halfway done with fellows. I still feel very new to the program, and there’s still so much left to do. But when I look back, I realize how much we’ve accomplished and how much I’ve grown. This month, it’s felt hard to balance relationships with the fellows, mentors, host family, college friends, and family, especially entering the holiday season. I feel overwhelmed with how much community I’ve been blessed with, yet I feel the weight of knowing there’s not always enough time to do all the things with everyone. Coming back from this thanksgiving break, I feel refreshed knowing that there is so much grace in those relationships, and that the Lord is teaching me how to show up imperfectly but intentionally.

Additionally, I’ve loved spending more time in Raleigh - from slow fun weekends to field trips learning about its history. That field trip with David Spickard was especially impactful, because it showed me some of the lesser told stories about ordinary people who made extraordinary impact in their community. It reminded me of the book “The Small And The Mighty” by Sharon McMahon, where she talks about the long lasting impact of twelve different Americans, whose courage and efforts to improve the world changed lives, even if they didn’t make it into history books. These themes of bravery in the midst of darkness and oppression carry over into the lives of Raleigh natives who shaped the city. The perspective and gratitude I feel when I learn about small but mighty individuals like these can’t be topped; I’m reminded that who I am and what I do matters deeply.

Over all, this month has been one for diving deep, learning and reflecting, and settling in for winter. I’m looking forward to more cozy movie nights, Christmas parties, seeing friends and family, and preparing for the New Year! Thanks for joining me, and Merry Christmas!

-Maddie Grace

Beverly's November as a fellow

Happy almost December! 

I wrote my last blog on Nov 1 and ended on a cliffhanger right before Ashley’s big birthday party. So here I am giving an update because I know everyone’s been thinking about it all month. It was the party of the century! We had SO much fun!! We love Ashley!

Another fun thing was going to DC this month for The Fellows Initiative national conference. We looked really cool in our shirts (see picture) to make sure everyone knew we were the fun fellows. We had low expectations and high flexibility for the weekend and everything turned out to be awesome! Highlights: the speakers and the content, seeing one of my closest college friends Anna, wearing our shirts, the conference food, introducing my parents to the fellows, Ashley driving us everywhere in a 15 passenger van, getting to know other fellows programs (shoutout Orlando), and taking scooters around the Mall to see all the monuments. Great bonding time and we still wanted to be friends with each other after all that! 

I’m having so many fun moments with fellows, deepening relationships with so many people, and learning a lot from classes and church. Some highlights were - girls night with Reagan’s homemade strawberry shortcake, playing football with the fellows on a Monday afternoon, getting pedicures after a girls brunch one Saturday, a night out on Glenwood. 

But also, November has been hard with some personal, work, and host fam stuff. Which is tough for a blog post. Life is life-ing! Now it is time for me to learn how to not dwell on my particular circumstances and whether they are easy and full of obvious blessings (like beginning of fellows), and learn God is still good in whatever season! Hailey led us at roundtable a few weeks ago in a discussion on Psalm 23 (Hailey you are awesome) and one of the takeaways was that because Jesus is our Good Shepherd we can have freedom from fear. That’s been a cool idea to me in one particular circumstance going on right now. I’m grateful to feel peace from God that I don’t have to give in to fear and it’s been sweet to notice blessings from Him even during something hard!

I also have been really grateful for our community of fellows the past few weeks. I am able to be vulnerable with them because they are intentional with asking for prayer requests, checking in on me, and praying for me. And I can do the same for them! I appreciate our group & appreciate how Ashley creates space for us to reflect on our community and how we can love each other well and be intentional. The fellows are mature, wise, vulnerable, and intentional. And they are so fun. And I’m grateful for the community here outside the fellows group - specifically my buddy Tessa, mentor Elaina, and host family. Also grateful for time with family for TG!

I’m excited for December with the fellows!

Bevi Lundeen

Ashley’s party!

Fellows in DC!

Blog, The Third

I, Jacob Currin, am at a loss for what to write about right now. In Spiritual Formation class we were tasked to write our own eulogy which was quite the endeavor. It was a very heavy and emotionally taxing thing to think about and figure out how to express. Honestly though it was a challenge that I relished. It’s endearing to think about how I want to be remembered and the legacy I want to leave.

I’ve always been a big dreamer, sometimes to my own detriment. Bonhoeffer warns in his book Life Together about dreaming without the Lord, so between that and a charge from Mary in class, I’ve been figuring out what it looks like to dream with Him. Truthfully, I’ve been doing a bad job of that and I know it. One of my prayers during our silence and solitude in that week’s class was that the LORD would “break my schemes of earthly joy” in order that I may find my all in Him. Well, he’s done that. It’s not been fun. Heck, it hurts. It’s like praying for humility and the getting humbled. Yes, that’s a good thing. But it’s by no means fun.

Back to my eulogy, I found myself focusing on the small moments. I mean, sure, it’s hard to know what big moments life will bring my way and frankly I don’t love the idea of imaging hardships as inevitable as they may be. The thing I focused on most was the kind or relationships I want to have, whether with friends, a spouse, kids, or the rest of my family. And it’s especially sobering to think about how I can prepare for that now. Like what can I do to show up to the best of my ability for the people around me, stewarding who God has created me to be. That sense of stewardship has stuck with me from a lot over the past month.

Consider this line the intermission because I’d like to come back to this with a cup of coffee to describe.

Update: I’m back a few days later with my resident decaf because its 3pm in the afternoon and I’d like to go to bed at a reasonable time. I have a love hate relationship with this coffee (*pauses to take the first sip) but today it’s a bit better than I remember. Normally, it was the most floral cup of coffee I’ve ever had. Like overwhelmingly floral. It smelled and tasted like perfume and not in a good way. Maybe it’s the coarser grind or maybe it’s the fact that it’s now quite old, but either way it’s a pleasant sip on this drizzling afternoon. It’s very clean with mild notes of white linen perfume and a black tea finish.

I’m once again at a loss for what to write about, but I knew I needed to work on this today so I made myself a rare afternoon coffee, turned on my candle warmer, and plopped at my desk with a soccer game in my ear. I’ve already in part talked about the coffee, so I’ll talk the candle and footy. The candle is gardenia scented, my favorite. Maybe that’s aiding my taste of white linen perfume on the coffee. In terms of footy, I’m watching Roma vs Napoli. Roma is my second team, mainly in part due to my former mentor Alex. When I still lived in South Carolina, specifically in my last semester and post grad, Alex and I would hang out once a week. We ran to the grocery store, checked out houses he was selling, and watched footy. One of my most treasured memories was drinking Italian white wine with him while we watched Roma win 1-0 in the Europa League against, I believe, Eintracht Frankfurt. This season, my beloved Arsenal and Alex’s beloved Roma have the two best defenses in Europe. And yet both conceded today with Roma doing so while I was talking about that memory with Alex. See, Alex and I both love our teams. Arguably too much. An Arsenal loss won’t break my day, but a win sure does make it. I often structure my schedule around when they play and I own more jerseys than I care to admit.

I look down at the shirt I’m wearing and ask myself the question plastered on the front in what is likely the handwriting of my favorite band’s (RIP COIN) lead singer; “do you ever love something so much it hurts?”

Arsenal comes to mind. So does coffee and a whole lot more. I could argue my love for Jesus hurts because of how often I am called to die to myself. However, I want to focus on what I wrote a few days ago at the beginning of this blog post. My dreams. Funnily enough, most of my dreams haven’t come true. And often reality turns out to be better than I could have imagined. One facet of that is definitely fellows. A few months ago, I barely knew it existed. Now it’s become one of the most unexpected blessings of my life. Funny how that works sometimes.

I doubt I’ll ever stop dreaming, and yet I’m excited by the things in my life which will see fruition before I dream of them. It’s often better that way.